[USML Announce] Winick "Very Sorry" For Fracturing His Team

[Brad Jansen]

Staring today at a composite Berliners' point total of 25.5 --the lowest
total in USML history and 16 points behind the next-worst team-- Berliners
owner Jeffery Winick apologized to all League owners for his April 23rd
trade of A-Rod and several other superstars for Alex Cora, Cliff Politte and
Brandon "If Only He" Wood, a light-hitting banterweight unable to hit a ball
out of the infield with a wooden bat. The deal essentially dismantled the
already decimated Berliners.

Winick said after he left today's medical situation, "Due to this trade, I
feel very sorry for myself and, at the same time, very disappointed to have
let Brad Jansen down.  I will do my best to fully restock my team with even
more prospects in order to field a ninth-place team again someday."

Winick explained his reference to Riptorns CEO Jansen: "I believe in my
heart that when Brad rejoined the League he did so with the hope, the
expectation, my God -- the Promise-- that he'd enjoy and appreciate another
great year by the Berliners.  Now look what I've done to my team, and Brad's
hopes.  Of course, I cannot help but note how ironic all this is, especially
when I consider how brilliantly I duped Brad into joining the League by
making him think he'd inherit a team better than mine, that my best keepers
are guys Brad traded me: rising, brilliant stars like Adam Jones and Dustan
McGowan...But I cannot let things like that bother me.  I'm in last place
and hell, no, I'm not happy.  If my publishers learn of this I'm ruined.
Please, all of you, keep this to yourselves. Deliver all hard drives to me
at season's end.  I'll reward each of you handsomely, perhaps with an
autographed lithograph of me..."
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