[USML Announce] Spare The A-Rod, Spoil The Winick?

Brad Jansen bljansen at gmail.com
Mon May 22 12:34:50 EDT 2006


Clapton is God.

Winick is Genius.

While some may debate the first aphorism, the second stands unchallenged,
unbowed, unsullied.  Winick's reputation took a hit when he traded Alex
Rodriguez and  a gaggle of other talent to the LMC for minor league
utilityman Brandon Wood.  But few now scoff at that deal.

"The numbers--and numbers, good friends, are what this game is about--do not
lie," explained dapper metrosexual Jeffery Winick.  "A-Rod is struggling to
keep his average over .270 and he's not in the top ten in a single offensive
category.  Did I move him at the right time?  Absolutely."

Winick explained that his new mathematical analysis helped him decide that
the time was right to move A-Rod.  "It's my STI [Spring Training Indicator,
patent pending].  I cannot divulge the nuances of this analysis, but trust
me when I say that everything Alex did this spring pointed toward a downward
trend.  Plus, I simply didn't like how he swung the bat in that Pepsi
commercial with Vlad, yet another slugger on the slide.

"Clearly, A-Rod ranks as the most overvalued player bought at the draft,
barely ahead of Craig Hansen and Andy Marte.  But I'll learn from other's
mistakes almost readily as I learn from mine.  And let me assure Andy Klein
that if he's silly enough to toss Craig Hansen back into the pool next year,
I'll be bidding him as high as anyone can dare me.  Anyway, I need to get
back to my analysis of Wily Mo Pena.  This kid excites me like no other
young man in a baseball uniform and I can't wait to share my overheated
essay about him with the rest of you.  I'm on my third draft now, so be
patient, it's coming..."
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