[USML Announce] Frontrunner Winick Issues First Challenge Of OffSeason
bljansen at gmail.com
Tue Oct 3 15:18:21 EDT 2006
Fresh and flush from 2006 USML Champion Nukes CEO Mark Kerber's
pronouncement that the Berliners were the 2007 frontrunner, the prescient
and Yoda-like Jeffrey Winick draped his cape, hoisted his staff and laid his
claim to the Throne: "Unlike my feeble opponents such as the Klein
Nine, Red Hots and Burning Bratwursts, I stand unafraid and unbowed by the
weight of high expectations. No burden is too difficult to carry, not even
a $25 Reggie Sanders. I intend to defeat...no, let's just say annihilate...
those who stand in my way or breathe my rarified air. Do you want to know
the Top Ten Reasons why I shall be victorious next year? It's simple:
merely list the names of the sorry teams in this League. I shall finish
high above all of you, yes even my dreaded rival Riptorns, Alex Gordon be
damned. Kerber's list of my fine talent does not come close to describing
the Peril that each of you faces if you dare challenge me next year: do not
forget the likes of Craig Monroe, Jason Bartlett, Eaton and Fruto. With an
army of such strength, you can only hope that your fall from grace will be
swift and merciful.
"And let me say this to the bold but foolish Hoosier Daddies: you may tip
your cards and disclose your 'keepers' even before your tears have dried on
the Damon action figure you now must relinquish to the Nukes. Fondle it
well, my dear friend, for you shall not touch it again. And let me say this
to the Nukes: be a careful caretaker of the Damon. Don't bend it, don't
break it, don't harm it in any inappropriate manner. For you are a mere
bailee, holding it for my sole benefit. That is all. For. Now."
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