[USML Announce] Press Release: Berliners To Dedicate Season to Late Anna Nicole Smith

[Brad Jansen]

A somber Jeffrey Winick issued a terse announcement following the tragic
death today of Anna Nicole Smith:

 "In many ways the fortunes and feints of my beloved Berliners have followed
the mercurial career arc of the beloved Playboy model, occassional stripper,
E! celebrity and weight-loss spokesmodel Anna Nicole Smith.  Anna had J.
Howard Marshall, a senile old man with incalculable wealth who doted on Anna
and left her his fortune, infuriating his beleagured son in the
process....and I, I have Brad Jansen, who cannot bestow his treasures upon
me fast enough, much to the consternation of my fellow owners and
displeasure of Brad's oldest male heir Conor M. Jansen.  Thank god nobody
wants a piece of my DNA but nevertheless  both J. Howard and Anna are now
gone.  At least I still have Brad Lee and, I am duly assured, Brad Lee still
has his old Playboys....

"Life must go on and I must always be true to myself.  So, dear Anna, this
year I shall stop at nothing to achieve the wealth that awaits the team that
finishes first. And I shall  raise my engorged Damon in your honor, you hot,
curvaceous, sometimes overly Rubenesque babe, you.   And that is all."
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