[USML Announce] Casilla Later! Twins New Second Sacker Promises SBs Aplenty for Joyous Rips

[Brad Jansen]

While the K-9 fret over the loss of Mark Texeiera and now must consider new
rapid-fire dump strategies before the trade deadline, and while the
Berliners  regain their  mojo  in  the Quest  for  Second, and while the
Nukes ponder exactly why and what happened to Dukes and Dotel, the Rips
popped the bubbly in celebration of the Luis Castillo trade to the Mets.

"We're not happy that a fellow USML owner lost a player to the NL.  Indeed
such news never brings us joy, but we're quite delighted that Twins
uber-prospect Alexi Casilla will now be able to get his legs wet a bit in
the bigs this season," exclaimed the always chirpy Riptorns CEO Brad
Jansen.  "Many thought the key to the Rips-Daddies blockbuster deal was
getting Dice K away from the Gams Man.  Not quite. Because for my
hard-earned money, the deal went down due to Alexi.  This kid has speed to
burn...he's like Scotty Pods except (a) he's only $5, (b)he plays second
base, (c)  he stays healthy and (d) he is not yet married to a Playmate.
We're quite excited this day."

League financial analyst and social critic Jeffrey Winick concurred.  "Of
all the garbage strewn about in these damnable dump trades this season, the
Casilla acquisition very well may represent the best return on investment.
In quantifiable terms some of you may understand, the young second sacker is
a 'keeper' at $5 and I estimate a plus $20 return next year, and that's if
he steals only 20 bags.  Fifty is far more likely according to the profiles
I've read. In fact I think he's already stolen two bases as I dictated these
thoughts to my assistant.

"So Kudos to Brad Lee.  He's an asswipe, no doubt, but he knows how to use
that toilet paper.  And that's what's it all about, compadres."
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