[USML Announce] Notice of Hot Wax Seal--Really.

[Brad Jansen]

The Rips and Red Hots are pleased to announce that the Riptorns parted ways
with Jacoby Ellsbury and Robb Quinlanto acquire Paul Konerko from the Red
Hots.

"This trade reflects the Rips' tradition of acquiring favorite White Sox
players as well as their boredom writing songs about Andy Klein's vain
efforts to catch the Hoosier  Daddies and fending off insulting trade
offers,"  explained  Rips' spokesman and facilitator Jeffrey Winick.  "As
for the Red Hots, anyone who knows Rich knows he loves those Boston Beans.
And Ellsbury sure is one of them."

Added Jansen: "The Rips have better keepers than anyone. I'm sick of reading
about guys like Price, Fields and Danks, etc. being on the trading block for
decent, everyday, hardworking, breadwinning ballplayers for chrissakes.  I
make deals, not conduct bogus auctions. If you are as bored as I am and want
to make deals then step up or shut up. This deal took 3 minutes, or less
time than it takes for cicadas to copulate.  Sorry, kids.  Ask your dads
what I'm talking about.  Klein certainly knows about screwing people over.
And  Andy, a  Shout  Out to you:  as  soon  as  I knock Winick out of  the
race,  I'll be looking for  you  right around the bend. Good luck shopping
your boy Josh Fields. Sheesh."
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