[USML Announce] USML Holds First-Ever Combined Bat Miztva/Winter Meetings...

[Bbuddhas at aol.com]

ask Barney Frank    there's a genius      or maybe the new First Mama has the 
answer
 
 
In a message dated 12/6/2008 10:36:03 P.M. Central Standard Time,  
springkerb at aol.com writes:

December 6, 2008, Northbrook, IL.



The USML broke with tradition this year, holding its first-ever  combined Bat 
Mitzva, winter meetings and draft.  In a hastily convened  meeting, 
co-commissioners Rich Robbins, Mark Blocker and Jeff Winick ruled  that, due to 
continuing problems in resolving Draft Day scheduling, an ad hoc  super-meeting 
approach best suited the needs of the league.  League maven  Winick explained, "It 
was obvious that we could not avoid having multiple  franchises draft from 
remote locations.  Under the circumstances, it  seemed best to go forward today, 
which was the only date on which more than  half the league was available."  


The unique approach required the commissioners to act as Draft Day  proxies 
for several absent franchises, but all present agreed that the outcome  was 
"fair and balanced," in keeping with the standard long advocated by  long-time 
league curmudgeon Buddha Strotman.  The most dramatic moment of  the draft came 
when free agent C.C. Sabathia went to the Riptorns (headed  by Winick, bidding 
on behalf of owner Brad Jansen) for a league record  $67, after a protracted 
bidding war between with the Klein Nine (represented  by Blocker, on behalf of 
owner Andy Klein).  Both the 'Torns and the Nine  ultimately spent more than 
$200 on starting pitchers.  Blocker was  philosophical.  "When the 'Torns and 
the Nine both went with the 'all K's  all the time' strategy, it was 
inevitable that we'd miss out on one or two  punch-out artists.  But with Clay Buchholz 
($35) and Scott Kazmir ($55),  I think the Nine will be a force anyway."
 
Perhaps the most radical strategy was used by the Lake Michigan Calamari  
(with Robbins acting on behalf of owner Jim Barrett), who bought every  available 
closer and spent only $16 on position players.  Asked to  comment on the 
approach, Robbins simply noted, "I can't believe I gave up  Jacoby Ellsbury and 
Jon Lester for a close-up view of Doug Shableman's  butt."


As expected, Strotman has his own, unique view of the proceedings.  "The 
surge is working," he opined, declining to explain what that had to  do with the 
draft results, recent unemployment figures or stock market  performance.

 
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