[USML Announce] Not Manny Happy Returns For Squids

[Brad Jansen]

ITEM:
Manny Ramirez is retiring as a player, Major League Baseball announced
in a statement issued Friday afternoon.

The statement said Ramirez had "an issue" under MLB's Joint Drug
Prevention and Treatment Program and informed the league he is hanging
it up rather than "continue with the process under the program."

LOSER: LMC's $11 investment returns nothing but heartache and
ridicule.  Question remains: can Bautista carry the club's offensive
load over the course of this long season?  Trend is FISHY.

WINNER: Klein Nine.  Andy Klein's brilliance further reveals itself as
Rays recall the inestimable Casey Kotchman to replace Ramirez.
Kotchman, one of the last players selected in the rotation draft,
becomes a vital cog in K-9 batting machine now that Adrian Gonzalez
has forgotten to hit. Trend is UPWARD.