[USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

Richard Robbins rerobbins at itinker.net
Tue Sep 27 12:29:09 EDT 2011


And I thought that my ground-breaking findings based on review of prior league results debunked the notion that fifth place matters.

 

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf Of Jeffrey Winick
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 10:11 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

 

Brad Lee,

 

Don’t let that clearly not-so-heartfelt concession from Mr. B get you down.  This is the man with whom the Drive for Five originated.  There is NO ONE who better appreciates the importance of a fifth place finish than he.  Know that to come so close and fail in the end must be extraordinarily painful for him.  So, be the better man and accept the best that Mark could muster in these difficult times.  

 

But, I congratulate you on a job well done.  Seriously, who else could have turned Neftali Feliz, Jacoby Ellsbury, Jesus Montero, etc. into such a solid 5th place team.

 

The King

 

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf Of Blocker, Mark B.
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 9:54 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

 

Brad:  A hearty congratulations on your much-sought-after 5th place finish.  I concede.   Only my busy schedule coupled with the need to sit with Doug and watch game film from this past weekend’s Packer rout of the Bears is preventing me from making the traditional hour-long call to the winner of the 5th place non-trophy.  But rest assured, I never had a chance of competing with your fantasy baseball creationism agenda, a term I must sheepishly admit that I did not know existed until moments ago (did I sleep through that part of Moneyball?).  I am a fantasy baseball evolutionist, looking for big bang to get the Bombers back to the top, so I reject your whole creationism agenda.

 

But I digress.  Let me just say: job well done Brad.  I know you set out from early March to secure this 5th place finish, and let me not stand in the way of what must be a moment of real celebration at the Jansen household now that the goal has been achieved.  I salute you, Brad Jansen.

 

  -- Mark Blocker, owner of the now-vanquished-to-6th-place Block’s Bombers.

 

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf Of Brad Jansen
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 9:39 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: [USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

 

With 160 out of 162 precincts reporting, the Rips have locked down 5th place, edging out the Bombers in a race that turned once the Rips acquired Mike Moustakas from the LMC and traded Trevor Cahill to the Bombers for Robinson Cano.

 

"By every measure I am pleased with the Riptorns' accomplishments this year," remarked Brad Jansen. "We set out to start the season with nine pitchers. Done. We wanted to stay in the race long enough to advance our fantasy baseball creationism agenda. Done. We wanted some cheap keeps and a fifth place finish to nab the first round pick in '12. Double-Done. We couldn't catch Trout so we fished for Carp. Done."

 

All that remains is the traditional concession call from the defeated opposition. So far, it has not happened. Said Brad: "Look, I know that Andy Klein called Rich to concede first place as soon as Rich acquired Verlander and Lester--and Andy had a twenty point lead at the time. I also know that Andy this morning asked his assistant to get Jim Barrett on the line. I expect an announcement will be made shortly.

 

"But Mark's Mark and I'm not going to sit by the phone all day. He pulled down the shades and closed the shop weeks ago, so at this point I don't expect to hear from him. Heck, I think Harold Washington is still waiting for Bernie Epton's call. We'll just move forward with our celebration and enjoy some free time with the family. It's been a long season. I'm just gonna relax a spell before I resume ghostwriting Jeffrey Winick's fantasy magazine columns."      

 

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