[USML Announce] Grading The In-Season Dump Deals

Brad Jansen bljansen at gmail.com
Mon Aug 6 17:14:38 EDT 2012


Good afternoon, class. I have waived this school's code of confidentiality
and posted both your names and grades for this summer's in-season dump deal
assignment. Needless to say, I am a bit disappointed in your overall
efforts and utter lack of imagination. While I understand the Riptorns'
off-season acquisition of Mike Trout will stand as The Greatest Trade Ever
Made, by no means should you have set your sights so low and not even try
to top that deal. Be that as it may, I have tried to generate more effort
in analyzing your moves than you obviously did on making them:

Incomplete: Adams Family Values. If any of these acquisitions remain in
organized baseball long enough to come off the DL, then I'll assign a
grade. I do recommend, however, that you retake this class and try your
experiments on live creatures and not all these dead frogs.

F:  Klein Nine.  Acquires mediocre kid pitchers and a closer that every
media outlet projected would end up traded to the NL.  Guess aluminum foil
does not generate great TV reception down there in Indiana. Gets a MI and
OF who are utility players on any other team--oh, wait, Frenchy already
is....Preparation so poor I should send you to the dean.

D: Block's Bombers. Took all summer and half your team, but you did manage
to land a 36-year old DH who will be batting from a walker next year
assuming he can even stand on one leg. Nevertheless he's $1 and clearly
will return value on your investment when not lounging in the whirlpool.
Lester at $31 could be a steal if he can maintain an ERA below 5.00.

C-: Mighty Red Hots. That independent study project photographing tires in
rural America wreaked havoc with your studies. Dustin Ackley for
chrissakes? Hopefully Cain won't need further DL stints to convince you to
extend his contract next year. Otherwise, all I can say is "here's lookin'
at Yu, kid" OK, enough puns on his name. I am soooo disappointed in your
overall performance this year. From high honors to near rock bottom. Next
summer take typing.

B+ : Riptorns. Montero and Bundy very nice pick ups and will be team's
mainstays for a long long while. I'd call Franklin and Lee a terrific
keystone combo except they're both shortstops.

A: Berliners. Fooled me. Thought you were playing for this year, but
instead netted some nice cheap keepers for next summer's class: Doumit-8
and soon-to-be-reinstalled closer Grant Balfour at 9 are solid guys as will
be a rejuvenated John Danks at 17. Come here and get your certificate
before your chauffeur arrives to take you to your spinning lessons.


Class dismissed. Get the hell out of here, all of you.
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