[USML Announce] USML Week In Review: Sign of the Beast Edition

[Brad Jansen]

Wow. What an exciting finish to the Olympics. I can't believe the Spice
Girls put aside their differences and got back on stage one more time. Too
bad the Six Pistols are too dead and damaged to do likewise. That would
have been awesome. But it's time to put aside real sports and get back to
fantasy baseball and where things stand after dump deals and other
disasters:

*FLAMING BRATS*
   Per the 8/12 report this team had accumulated *666 *runs. I'll say no
more.
*WINICK BERLINERS*
*    *Owner took time to compose churlish salvo about Machado, failed to
activate him. One of many bad moves this season. Nothing short of a miracle
can restore the Berliners to the throne. Ain't gonna happen, but credit
Jeffrey for keeping the rhetorical guns a-blazin'.
*NUKES*
*  *   How much can Verlander, Greinke and Haren help those ERA/WHIP/WINS
numbers? That's where the final battle lies between second and third.
*ANGRY YOUNG MEN*
     Creeping slowly into the picture, like a serpent rising from the fiery
furnace of Hades. Can team gain further footing with two dead pitchers on
active roster?
*KLEIN NINE*
*      *Hangs on like a bad plague of locusts.
*HOOSIER DADDIES*
*       *Team has faced its tribulation, now steels itself for Armageddon
aka 6th place.
*MIGHTY RED HOTS*
*    *   Owner enjoys rapturous summer, sees iconic images in worn tires,
joins Cult of Winick.
*LAKE MICHIGAN *CALAMARI
       Prepares for seven months of suffering, plots vengeance on Nukes for
foisting the Anti-Konerko upon team.
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