[USML Announce] Riptorns Prepare For Frontal Assault On First Place

[Brad Jansen]

   "I have reviewed the transactions, studied the rosters, and projected
the future," roto genuius Jeffrey Winick mused while sunning beside his
heated pool yesterday.    "My thoughts are worth recording so take this
down: with the Riptorns assembling a roster of 3 closers, dynamic starting
pitching and an explosive offense of power hitters and leadoff men, the
Bombers and Calamari will fall quickly. The Red Hots may stand a tad longer
now that Price is healthy and Milone is on the staff, but that offense
lacks the depth and strength to withstand the Riptorns'; relentless
shelling. It's a matter of weeks before the Riptorns pass that team in runs
and RBIs.
   "And when that happens there will remain one team that stands between
the Riptorns and the Damon: The Berliners. I have shown all who follow my
exploits that I shall stop at nothing to protect my rightful place in the
standings. And this trifle Napoleon will soon learn what's it like to
battle at Waterloo."
    Winick readjusted his thong and stretched for his daquiri. He took a
slow sip as his eyes narrowed and his teeth gritted. "The battle is joined,
my friends. And from the ashes I shall arise with the Damon in one hand and
Jansen's head in the other. I know that's a gross thought, but hold it for
a few more weeks. This will be good."
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