[USML Announce] Annual Who's Buying Whom Predictions

JOHN FRUIT jtfruit at msn.com
Thu Mar 14 19:50:07 EDT 2013


in the immortal words of Meatloaf, two outta three ain't bad. ( Skippy -see me at the draft to clue you in).

To: announce at usml.net
From: jhwinick at aol.com
Date: Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:27:05 -0400
Subject: [USML Announce] Annual Who's Buying Whom Predictions


Given the well established tendencies of the USML owners, I hereby predict those players that will end up on each of our respective rosters:








Red Hots:	Lance Berkman/Brett Myers/Bud Norris - Rich's tendency is to pick up players with a considerable delta between "market" value and "Shandler" value.  Berkman and Myers are therefore locks to be on the Red Hots.  Rich also often responds to my little annoyances.  That puts Mr. Norris is play.



Rip Torns:  Peter Bourjos/Alexei Ramirez/Adam Dunn - Brad Lee like them young and under the radar (Bourjos) and, of course, likes his White Sox.  He'll also make a run at Fielder, but he'll drop out when the bidding hits $40.



Bombers:  Trevor Plouffe/Brett Gardner/Evan Longoria/Matt Wieters - Mr. B drifts towards post-injury guys with big reputations.  Gardner and Longoria fit the bill perfectly.  He also tends to pick up former Berliners which makes Plouffe a strong candidate.  And in the midst of all of the ribbing that he'll be getting from Andy during the Wieters bidding, there's no way he doesn't pull the trigger.



Berliners:  Kevin Youkilis/Ian Kinsler - Two Jewish players available in the draft.  And they're even halfway decent, to boot.  They will be mine!



Nukes:  Albert Pujols/Prince Fielder - One of the two will be a Nuke.  Mark will screw around a bit too much trying to price enforce and he'll end up going a dollar too far.  He might also buy Youkilis or Kinsler if he isn't careful.



Klein Nine:  Felix Dubront/Joe Saunders - The single most predictable thing in the draft is that the Klein Nine go cheap on pitching.  And they like two kinds of cheap pitchers (ok - three, if you count bad):  young pitchers with bad numbers that are hyped to improve and old workhorses.  Dubront is the epitome of the former and Saunders is the epitome of the latter.



Calamari:  Jose Bautista/John Jaso/Paul Konerko/Derek Jeter - Unlike Brad Lee and John, Jim likes them old.  Konerko and Jeter are the two oldest productive players available, which makes them prime candidates for the Calamari.  Jim also develops man crushes and the guess here is that he won't be able to say goodbye to either Jose or Mr. Jaso.



Skippies:  Albert Pujols/Prince Fielder/King Felix - Dennis is playing to win and he'll go after a proven commodity to provide the foundation.  My money is on Pujols since Skippy seems to have a soft spot for him.



Hoosiers:  Jose Altuve/Elvis Andrus - It's easier to identify who won't be on Rick's team than who will be.  Luke Scott and Stephen Drew are both assholes and therefore disqualified as potential Hoosier Daddies.  So, who will he be drafting?  Rick is adept at identifying the young prospect on the verge of a breakout.  Altuve is the epitome of such a player.  Andrus is already a known quantity, but he's only 24 and Rick will like his chances to get better.



Angry Young Men:  Mark Teixeira/Mariano Rivera/Alex Rodriguez - Assuming Doug isn't day dreaming about one of the young lovelies from a recent photo shoot, he will be thinking about the team from which he seems to always go - the Yankees.  



Brats:  Trevor Bauer/Vance Worley/Jared Burton - Just like Brad Lee, John likes them young, but when they're young and from Minnesota, he simply can't resist.  Worley and Burton are quintessential Brat pitchers.  And Trevor Bauer is the highest rated young arm on the board.  You can write his name in pen on the Brats roster.  





I was tempted to send this to an independent third party and then have it redistributed after the draft.  But I believe that our respective tendencies are sufficiently strong that it won't affect the outcome.  





Let's see.





Jeff



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