[USML Announce] Pippin's Nothing But A Dog - 2014

[Jeffrey Winick]

Pippin’s Nothing But a Dog – 2014


Projected Standings


The Better LuckNext Year Division


10.          Berliners –First to dump and has the results to show for it.  Bogaerts, Profar, Archer, Garcia, Darvishbolster a bunch of beans that could explode (Buxton, Gallo, Sano, Lindor).  2014 looks ugly, but 2015 and beyond islooking very good. 


9.            Red Hots –Came to the draft as a man on a mission……to rebuild.  The process hasn’t yet begun, presumablybecause the team started strong out of the gate.  But this is a team built for 2015 andbeyond.  Only a question of when, notwhether the dumping begins.


8.            Brats –Early returns aren’t looking too good on the late season trades of 2013 and thecupboard is looking decidedly bare. Worse yet, this is not a team that has a realistic shot at contention in2014.  The Brats may not know it yet, butthey’re still in rebuilding mode. Whether they figure it out or not – this team will not be holding theDamon after the last pitch of the regular season has been thrown. 


The With A LittleHelp from My Friends Division


7.            Block’s Bombers– A team with not near enough offense to play with the big boys.  The middle infield is frightening and thecorners are only a little bit better. The pitching will play, though ERA and WHIP could be a little bitdicey.  Bottom line is that this is ateam that could and should get better. But the Bombers only make a trade a couple times a decade and I’m notsure it’s that time yet.  Worse yet, rumorhas it that Chisenhall will be the key chip used to attract the attention ofthe dumpers.  Another Drive for Five is almostsurely in store for the Bombers.


6.            Calamari –Not enough at bats due to too many old guys on the roster (Konerko, Jeter,Ichiro) and the consequences show up in every offensive category.  The pitching needs to get and stay healthy,but the addition of a couple of big bats (like Cespedes and/or Santana, justfor example) could turn this team from pretender to contender in a hurry. 


5.            Adams Family Values– Skippy caught lightening in a bottle with Abreu and that has him in the hunt.   This is a solid team – the problem is thatthe 4 yet to be mentioned are better. It’s tough to win when your starting lineup includes guys like Morrison,Callaspo, Sizemore and Maxwell.  DropCespedes or Santana onto this roster and ….. magic.  The pitching is dependent upon a lot of youngarms, but could be and should be excellent.   AFV could make things interestingif Skippy can find enough time away from his day (and night) job to focus.


The This Could Be theYear Division
The first thing you notice about the upper division is that3 of the 4 teams had the good judgment to talk to the Berliners and fill keyholes.  Only 1 rebuffed Mr. Winick’sentreaties.  He would be wise to eitherreconsider or start working on the Red Hots and/or Brats or he’ll find theseason slipping away.


4.            Angry Young Men– Right there with the Nukes as the best offense in the league.  Unfortunately, that’s where the similaritiesend.  An infusion of solid pitching madethis team much better, but a lot still depends on major question marks like Jimenez,Richards and Chen.  That’s a littlescary.  Has some nice beans and JonathanSchoop to get some more trustworthy replacements and some more saves.  If it happens, watch out for the AYM.  


3.            Hoosier Daddies– Solid across the board on both sides of the ledger.  Offense is rock solid without a single slotoccupied by anything other than a top notch player.  Pitching is similarly stocked, though boywould it have helped if Griffin hadn’t gone under the knife.  But a shrewd trade put this team squarely inthe hunt for the Damon.


2.            Klein Nine –Killer pitching (wait….is this really the Nine that I’m talking about??) is thefoundation of this team.  And the offenseis rock solid, but the few less productive slots will ultimately be thedifference between holding the Damon and wistfully looking on as someone elsegrabs the prize.  Proclaiming victoryless than a month into the season creates bad karma and to add insult toinjury, the Dean had the audacity to declare “bring it on” to The Curse.  Nope…..not gonna happen in 2014.


1.            Nukes – Nowthat the curse has been removed, the future looks very bright for the Nukes.  This team projects to be near the top in everyoffensive category except for batting average. Thanks to good friend Mr. Winick, the pitching is now anchored by thereigning Cy Young winner and backed up with the likely AL Rookie of the Year.  Sure, there are some question marks in therotation.  And there’s a need for Janssento come back healthy and soon.  But theNukes know how to deal and have a long history trading with the one team withthe best remaining goods - Red Hots. With guys like Tanaka, Springer and Skaggs as bait, the expectation isthat this team is going to get even better. Here’s your 2014 Champion!


That is all.


Brad Lee Badfinger Jansen (with a little help from his friend, Mr. Winick)
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