[USML Announce] Hot Wax Seal: Mighty Red Hots Get Killer Bs

Sun Apr 9 09:09:05 EDT 2006

So while I was receiving yet another beating from Mark Blocker this morning
on the local tennis courts, I thought about Andy's message.  He's right.
I'll probably get those guys back next year, but I will be required to
overpay.  Actually, that probably won't happen.  Here's why.  Andy and I
have rotten luck at this game and Brad has very good luck (skill)?  Lining
up all of the recent trades, it seems to me that the following is the most
likely scenario.  First, bad stuff happens to Kotchman (that hurts Andy) so
Morales get a roster spot and starts hitting really well.  Of course, former
Riptorn Wickman goes down in a heap (since he's no longer a Riptorn) and
Cabrera comes up and becomes the full time closer.  All of the guys I got
will fail miserably and Brad will actually get better stats this year from
the guys I sent him.  Andy, you'll agree that this is really a reasonable
scenario given my history, your history and Brad's.  If not, then what you
describe seems likely.  Relative to what was paid this year, I'll need to
pay way more next year to get these guys back.  Of course, they will then
turn to crap.

Also, while being humiliated by Blocker this morning, at one point I
actually started thinking about Yorman Bazardo.  I'm not sure why.  It
didn't help.  (There's very little that can stop Mark when you hit a short
ball to his forehand -- I think he is getting a patent on this particular
running cross court shot.)

Speaking of Blocker and tennis, for those in and around Chicago, how many
play tennis?  If there are enough perhaps we should get together from time
to time this summer so Mark can have more people to punish on the tennis
court.  Buddha -- do you play?  Rick, you mentioned tennis.  Jeff -- you
used to play.  What do you think?  Summer is near and outdoor courts are
plentiful.

-- Rich

  _____  

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf
Of Andy Klein
Sent: Sunday, April 09, 2006 8:20 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] Hot Wax Seal: Mighty Red Hots Get Killer Bs

USML'ers:

In re-reading my own message, I fear that one could misconstrue it as an
accusation of a Red-Hots-Riptorns conspiracy.  This was not my intent at
all!!  Rather, I only meant to provide the league with a public service by
reminding them of how the Riptorn Strategy works.  The previous message was
too cryptic.  Here is some elaboration for those of you who have forgotten
... 

STAGE ONE:  The Rips are your friends.  They are jovial.  They are eager to
help by cavalierly tossing you major league players for cheap minor leaguers
who appear to have little value.  (Note:  This may not be true if you are
Jim Barrett.  Apparently, if you are Jim Barrett, you get pressured to take
a broken-down Keith Foulke during the first week of the season before having
the opportunity to see whether Foulke can stand on his wobbly legs. Jim, I
suggest that you demand a new "Stage One" trade with the Rips, if only for
the benefit of Stage Two ...).

STAGE TWO:  The Rips want to compete.  They return to their "friends" from
the previous year.  Now the tone is less jovial and more business-like.  The
message is implicit, but clear.  I helped you last year.  It's time for the
quid pro quo.  Take the cheap minor leaguers back (after all, the Rips
"liked" them last year).  And give me some good players in return.  But the
Rips won't settle for the mediocre guys that they peddled last year (none of
them were kept anyway).  Instead, he wants the real McCoys.  And he won't
take no for an answer!

STAGE THREE:  The Rips have a ton of good players.  Every future closer they
collected becomes a star.  The Rips win the title.  Year after year.  The
rest of the league scratches its collective head, wondering how it happened.

Don't say you weren't warned!  

Humbly, 

-Andy  

----- Original Message ----
From: Andy Klein <anrklein at yahoo.com>
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Sunday, April 9, 2006 7:29:56 AM
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] Hot Wax Seal: Mighty Red Hots Get Killer Bs

I will bet anyone in the league ten bucks that Morales and Cabrera end up on
the Red Hots next year.

And, Jeff, my keepers won't go this cheap.

That is all.

-Andy 
  Owner of Chris Shelton and a 2.00 WHIP

----- Original Message ----
From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Saturday, April 8, 2006 2:36:08 PM
Subject: [USML Announce] Hot Wax Seal: Mighty Red Hots Get Killer Bs

Red Hots trade Kendry the Cuban Morales, Willie  and  The  Poorboys
Bloomquist,  Ross Searchin' for a Heart of Gload,  Aaron  Has No Guiel  and
Fernando  Another  Deal,  Another  Rips Future  Closer  Cabrera  to  the
Rippers  for  I'm No Angel  Berroa,  Big Ben  Broussard,  Aaron Boone,
Shannon  the  Mannon  Stewart  and  David  Who?  Murphy. 

Go get 'em! 

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