[USML Announce] While Klein Nine Slumber, Rips Take a Nice Napoli

[Brad Jansen]

"It all started off so innocently," recalled the ever-reticent  Riptorns
CEO Brad Jansen on Jeffrey Winick's late night cable show Roto Rooter.
"Klein was badgering me for Corey Patterson and offered up the infirm Casey
Kotchman.  I was more than happy to accomodate Andy because he was really
upset and hurt about my deals with the Red Hots and Nukes.  I told Andy I
needed a boost to my salary floor to make the deal happen.  When he scoffed
at Zumaya for Hansen, we came up with Shoppach for Napoli.  I wasn't too
pleased because it only added $3 to my floor but I must tell you I'm quite
happy now."

Winick agreed that this could very well be the sleeper deal of the decade.
"Napoli has cut down on the strikeouts and shortened his swing.  And look at
the power numbers: ten taters before the A-S Break, second only to Ramon
Hernandez among AL catchers.  This man is a power hitting catcher, even
rarer these days than a reliable closer.  I never doubted that Andy Klein
wore blinders when it came to appreciating the talents and abilities of
other teams' players...I didn't want to think until now that he knew as
little about his own players...and now where does this find him?  Trading
mediocrity like Johnny Gomes for the likes of Johnny Damon. A pitiful way to
fight for fourth place, and I can only pray that the reading public never
catches a glimpse of him with my baseball fantasy magazine--it would
devastate my sales...."
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