[USML Announce] Letter to the Producer of Roto Rooter

[springkerb at aol.com]

Andy:

Considering that Napoli hit .237 in AA last year, he's probably on the Sal Fasano end of the spectrum of Italian catchers, as opposed to the Mike Piazza end.  But it's very shrewd of you to paint yourself as the mild-mannered rube while you're trolling for your next victim.
 
Regardless, you fleeced Brad completely.  Two years from now, when you have Patterson in the third year of his contract, everyone is still going to be wondering what the heck Brad was thinking.
 
Mark 

-----Original Message-----
From: Andrew R. Klein <anrklein at yahoo.com>
To: 'USML Announcements' <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Mon, 3 Jul 2006 08:56:56 -0400
Subject: [USML Announce] Letter to the Producer of Roto Rooter


Dear Mr. Winick:
 
Given your status as a nationally-recognized (indeed, pixilated) author, I would expect your staff to engage in better fact-checking before allowing guests like Brad Jansen to perpetuate scurrilous lies on your show.  
 
As you could have learned with just a bit of investigation, Mr. Jansen offered Corey Patterson to the Klein Nine for Casey Kotchman ? not the other way around.  I promptly accepted the offer, only to receive a bizarre message in response.  The message was somewhat muffled, but went something like this:  ?Um, I really need to check with Mike on this one ... I mean,  I checked with Mike and he said no ... ummm, I mean, I need $2 more salary even though I?m well above the cap ... so, you have to give me Mike Napoli, too.?
 
I screamed, stomped my feet, held my breath, and then caved in.  Now the Riptorns own one of the AL?s best catchers at $5.
 
The real story is that USML is again under siege.  C.O.P.S. willing, the stronger members of our league will be able to stop the reign of terror this time around.  You should be with us, Mr. Winick, not against us.  
 
Sincerely,
 
Andy Klein
Owner, Klein Nine
C.O.P.S. Member since 2006
 
 
 



From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf Of Brad Jansen
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2006 11:35 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: [USML Announce] While Klein Nine Slumber, Rips Take a Nice Napoli
 
"It all started off so innocently," recalled the ever-reticent  Riptorns  CEO Brad Jansen on Jeffrey Winick's late night cable show Roto Rooter.  "Klein was badgering me for Corey Patterson and offered up the infirm Casey Kotchman.  I was more than happy to accomodate Andy because he was really upset and hurt about my deals with the Red Hots and Nukes.  I told Andy I needed a boost to my salary floor to make the deal happen.  When he scoffed at Zumaya for Hansen, we came up with Shoppach for Napoli.  I wasn't too pleased because it only added $3 to my floor but I must tell you I'm quite happy now." 

Winick agreed that this could very well be the sleeper deal of the decade.  "Napoli has cut down on the strikeouts and shortened his swing.  And look at the power numbers: ten taters before the A-S Break, second only to Ramon Hernandez among AL catchers.  This man is a power hitting catcher, even rarer these days than a reliable closer.  I never doubted that Andy Klein wore blinders when it came to appreciating the talents and abilities of other teams' players...I didn't want to think until now that he knew as little about his own players...and now where does this find him?  Trading mediocrity like Johnny Gomes for the likes of Johnny Damon. A pitiful way to fight for fourth place, and I can only pray that the reading public never catches a glimpse of him with my baseball fantasy magazine--it would devastate my sales...."        
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