[USML Announce] Doug It Out, Bitches: Angries Poised To Take The Gold

[Brad Jansen]

The News hit Jeffrey Winick moments after he got his back waxed at his
downtown Pittsburgh  hotel suite, awaiting delivery of his All-Star game box
seat tickets (ed. note: watch for Winick and his brother Mark, seated near
home plate).

"And here I thought my rip-off of Jeff Clement from the Rips would dominate
tonight's email," chuckled the stubby Winick.  "Alas, that was not to be.
But I certainly don't mind opining about a team and its owner whose
brilliance almost rivals mine.

"The Angries' deals this year reflect a strategy, a vision, a gestalt unseen
by this League since the years of dominance by the Mike Rogers-controlled
Riptorns.  Shabelman and his waist management partner have taken certain of
this League's owners to school and if these owners haven't learned anything
from Doug about the Art of the Deal, then they may as well not bother to buy
my fantasy baseball magazine next year.  Face it: this deal with the Brats
costs the Angries nothing in any of the key categories but adds at least 50
strikeouts even before he returns Bartolo Colon to the active roster, a move
he can make now because the deal loosened up his salary cap. Awesome, and
I'm not talking about the Allegheney River...

"Nothing short of significant injuries will stop the Angry Young Men.
Nothing.  Now, it's time for me to roll over... God, can you believe these
massuesess cost this much in Pittsburgh of all places...here, maybe you
better use this credit cared instead...wow, you are a Steeler, aren't you?
Ready to see some scrap iron...and I don't mean Phil Garner..."
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