[USML Announce] Howie Doin'? Quite Alright, Opines League Expert Jeffrey Winick

[Brad Jansen]

Winick was waltzing his way down  Maxwell Street, seeking out some fancy
duds for his upcoming screen test to replace ex-ESPN analyst Harold
Reynolds.  "It's all in the presentation," commented the wry Winick.  "And
as long as I hug only myself, I figure I have as good as shot as anyone to
get that prized gig."

But there were other thoughts crossing Winick's mind as he sampled the
latest in 6-button suits.  "Listen, I feel like a real jerk taking all these
potshots at Brad Jansen, especially when I think about how I duped him into
joining the league, then encouraged him to make a bunch of bad trades with
guys like Robbins and Klein,  as  well  as myself of course.  Sure I get a
kick out of badgering him into believing a sore-shouldered Rafael Soriano
[kudos to Gammons for unloading that turkey so early in the season] should
be retained instead of J.J. Putz, but even a guy like me feels a slight pang
of conscience every once in awhile.

"So I can't help but feel a bit happy for Brad, especially about players he
drafted like Royals closer Burgos and this $2 hitting machine Howie
Kendrick, the next Rod Carew, and a kid who likely will qualify at 8
different positions next year --hopefully none as compromising as Harold
Reynolds...or George Michaels, for that matter...but that's a topic for my
other fantasy league...and now the latest happy news for the Rips is that
Shin-Soo Choo will take over as starting OF for the Tribe in place of Casey
Mistake By the Blake, who's gonna split time at 1B with Victor Martinez,
who's relinquishing the catching chores to reclaimed Riptorn Kelly
Shoppach.  These aren't magic beans, my buddies, but rock-solid superstars
in the making.

"Well, I can go on and on, especially as I enjoy these exciting new
polysester blends.  Now I must wait for Andy Marte to claim the 3B job from
Aaron Boone any day now. I can't wait to write about my brilliant decision
to draft him at $14 and then trade him to the Rips. But for now, for this
limited time only, I extend my hand to Brad, to apologize for my misconduct
and to show appreciation, on behalf of myself and the rest of those who
fleeced...er, negotiated fair deals with him this year .  His character, his
determination, his willingness to take chances on stiffs like Cabrera,
Kotchman, Morales and Penn...well, we just can't thank him enough. You gotta
have faith, Brad, if only in me and no one else.  Whoa there, Mister
Tailor...are you measuring my inseam or just happy to see me?"
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