[USML Announce] Howie Doin'? Quite Alright, Opines League Expert Jeffrey Winick

[Doug Shabelman]

Will someone please save this one to make sure we actually have on
record "Howie Kendrick, the next Rod Carew...?"
 
Please, Expert Jeff, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

________________________________

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On
Behalf Of Brad Jansen
Sent: Wednesday, July 26, 2006 9:22 PM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: [USML Announce] Howie Doin'? Quite Alright,Opines League Expert
Jeffrey Winick


Winick was waltzing his way down  Maxwell Street, seeking out some fancy
duds for his upcoming screen test to replace ex-ESPN analyst Harold
Reynolds.  "It's all in the presentation," commented the wry Winick.
"And as long as I hug only myself, I figure I have as good as shot as
anyone to get that prized gig." 

But there were other thoughts crossing Winick's mind as he sampled the
latest in 6-button suits.  "Listen, I feel like a real jerk taking all
these potshots at Brad Jansen, especially when I think about how I duped
him into joining the league, then encouraged him to make a bunch of bad
trades with guys like Robbins and Klein,  as  well  as myself of course.
Sure I get a kick out of badgering him into believing a sore-shouldered
Rafael Soriano [kudos to Gammons for unloading that turkey so early in
the season] should be retained instead of J.J. Putz, but even a guy like
me feels a slight pang of conscience every once in awhile.

"So I can't help but feel a bit happy for Brad, especially about players
he drafted like Royals closer Burgos and this $2 hitting machine Howie
Kendrick, the next Rod Carew, and a kid who likely will qualify at 8
different positions next year --hopefully none as compromising as Harold
Reynolds...or George Michaels, for that matter...but that's a topic for
my other fantasy league...and now the latest happy news for the Rips is
that Shin-Soo Choo will take over as starting OF for the Tribe in place
of Casey Mistake By the Blake, who's gonna split time at 1B with Victor
Martinez, who's relinquishing the catching chores to reclaimed Riptorn
Kelly Shoppach.  These aren't magic beans, my buddies, but rock-solid
superstars in the making. 

"Well, I can go on and on, especially as I enjoy these exciting new
polysester blends.  Now I must wait for Andy Marte to claim the 3B job
from Aaron Boone any day now. I can't wait to write about my brilliant
decision to draft him at $14 and then trade him to the Rips. But for
now, for this limited time only, I extend my hand to Brad, to apologize
for my misconduct and to show appreciation, on behalf of myself and the
rest of those who fleeced...er, negotiated fair deals with him this year
.  His character, his determination, his willingness to take chances on
stiffs like Cabrera, Kotchman, Morales and Penn...well, we just can't
thank him enough. You gotta have faith, Brad, if only in me and no one
else.  Whoa there, Mister Tailor...are you measuring my inseam or just
happy to see me?"      

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