[USML Announce] League Leaders Decide To Play Entire Season Retroactively

[Brad Jansen]

There was a top-secret summit of USML leadership this morning, interrupted
momentarily by Tibetan human rights activists attempting to extinguish
Jeffrey Winick's Damon Trophy.  Word has leaked that the League's elder
statesmen will announce shortly that the entire 2008 season will be played
retroactively.

"There are several benefits to this strategy," spoke an anonymous
source familiar with the negotiations and the brain power of the leadership
in attendance.  "First, no one will know exactly where their team rests in
the standings. So, this should help prevent those 'dump' trades that so
infuriate the likes of Andy Klein. In light of rumors that the Riptorns
already are peddling Ichiro, Manny and Jack Hannahan for future
considerations, this may not be such a bad result.

"Secondly, such a rule change shuts Kerbs up, which always is a good thing.
And finally Blocker gets to sleep late Sundays without having to be bothered
inputting those blasted contingent FAAB moves.  If all goes as planned, the
2008 champion will be announced at next year's draft--unless we also decide
to do that retroactively as well."
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