[USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read JeffreyWinick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To

[Brad Jansen]

Uh, Rich. It's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, A-Rod on cover.
--Ed.


On 1/21/08, Richard E. Robbins <RERobbins at itinker.net> wrote:
>
>  So what exactly is the publication called?  I didn't get one last year --
> and, after seeing Jeff's picture, I'm not sure I want to get a copy this
> year either.  But, just in case. . .
>
> -- Rich
>
>  ------------------------------
> *From:* announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] *On
> Behalf Of *jhwinick at aol.com
> *Sent:* Sunday, January 20, 2008 3:14 PM
> *To:* announce at usml.net
> *Subject:* Re: [USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read
> JeffreyWinick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To
>
>
>  Wow....that was so mean spirited that it made me jealous I hadn't written
> it myself.
>
> Nicely done, Brad Lee.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
> To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
> Sent: Sun, 20 Jan 2008 2:32 pm
> Subject: [USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read Jeffrey
> Winick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To
>
> Well, guys, it took less time to read this $6.99 "guide" to JHW's literary
> laziness than it did to schedule our draft date (and when are we doing this?
> June?).
>
> As a favor to you, Dear Reader, I list for your edification Jeffrey
> Winick's "pans"...but  first I must note that JHW's contributions this
> season are pretty minimal, kind of like John Lennon's toward the end of the
> Beatles, when he was dealing with Yoko and smack and all that.  The
> difference, unfortunately, is that Lennon usually showed some spark of
> genius, whereas with Winick we must contend with rehashed lyrics and
> melodies (singing the praises of Brandon Wood [ed. note: Riptorns, $2],
> Winick writes of his "light tower power that should translate into 40+ home
> runs," lines we've heard from him so many many times before).  But I
> digress...that was a rare "pick," so without further ado...
> ...here are the Pans of Winick:
>
>   HITTERS
>       Baldelli (that's refreshing; at least the guy's on  JHW's team, with
> a L-T  contract no less)
>       Barfield (no brainer)
>       J. Clement (safe move, now that he's off JHW's team)
>
>  PITCHERS
>      J. Bonderman
>      Clay Buchholz (surprised  JHW didn't try  getting this guy from me,
> since his "pan"  calls Clay "an incredibly talented young pitcher"--as I
> said, these blurbs aren't teeming with originality this year)
>       A.J. Burnett (no wonder JHW hurriedly agreed to lunch at the
> Goat--so he could dump this guy on me before the mag's publication date)
>       Felix Hernandez (sorry, Rich, the coronation for this "work in
> progress" is just gonna have to wait)
>
> And that's all he wrote: cliched, refried riffs and hackneyed  expressions
> as tired as the scowling image of the 2007 USML Champion that appears to
> frightening effect on page 4.  Perhaps all those celebrations of the "better
> than one victory" per year Jeffrey averages (according to *his *self-penned
> bio, anyway) have finally taken their toll.  Maybe next year Jeffrey won't
> phone in his analysis from a chaise lounge next to a Scottsdale swimming
> pool while some underpaid "personal assistant" rubs sunscreen on his inner
> thighs.  But the sad fact is that it's time to come to terms with JHW's
> diminished talents and to stop hoping for a bigger bang for your buck.
> You're better off sneaking a peak at Kerber's cheat sheets on draft date
> when he's off taking a wizz....not that *I've *ever done that....
>
> --Lester Bangs
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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