[USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read JeffreyWinick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To

jhwinick at aol.com jhwinick at aol.com
Mon Jan 21 10:24:58 EST 2008


The publication is entitled:



The Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008:? Professional Edition.? ARod is on the cover.? Putting aside my own contributions, its actually a pretty good read.? But I warn you, the picture remains unchanged and its not a pretty sight, so skip the bios.

Jeff






-----Original Message-----
From: Richard E. Robbins <RERobbins at iTinker.net>
To: 'USML Announcements' <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:18 am
Subject: RE: [USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read JeffreyWinick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To



So what exactly is the publication called?? I didn't get one last year -- and, after seeing Jeff's picture, I'm not sure I want to get a copy this year either.? But, just in case. . .

?

-- Rich


From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On Behalf Of jhwinick at aol.com
Sent: Sunday, January 20, 2008 3:14 PM
To: announce at usml.net
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read JeffreyWinick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To




Wow....that was so mean spirited that it made me jealous I hadn't written it myself.

Nicely done, Brad Lee.


-----Original Message-----
From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Sun, 20 Jan 2008 2:32 pm
Subject: [USML Announce] Panning For A Heart of Gold: We Read Jeffrey Winick's Fantasy Baseball Guide 2008, So You Don't Have To


Well, guys, it took less time to read this $6.99 "guide" to JHW's literary laziness than it did to schedule our draft date (and when are we doing this? June?).? 

As a favor to you, Dear Reader, I list for your edification Jeffrey Winick's "pans"...but? first I must note that JHW's contributions this season are pretty minimal, kind of like John Lennon's toward the end of the Beatles, when he was dealing with Yoko and smack and all that.? The difference, unfortunately, is that Lennon usually showed some spark of genius, whereas with Winick we must contend with rehashed lyrics and melodies (singing the praises of Brandon Wood [ed. note: Riptorns, $2], Winick writes of his "light tower power that should translate into 40+ home runs," lines we've heard from him so many many times before).? But I digress...that was a rare "pick," so without further ado...? 
...here are the Pans of Winick:
? 
? HITTERS
????? Baldelli (that's refreshing; at least the guy's on? JHW's team, with a L-T? contract no less)
? ? ? Barfield (no brainer)
? ? ? J. Clement (safe move, now that he's off JHW's team) 
????? 
?PITCHERS
? ?? J. Bonderman? ?? 
???? Clay Buchholz (surprised? JHW didn't try? getting this guy from me, since his "pan"? calls Clay "an incredibly talented young pitcher"--as I said, these blurbs aren't teeming with originality this year) 
????? A.J. Burnett (no wonder JHW hurriedly agreed to lunch at the Goat--so he could dump this guy on me before the mag's publication date)
????? Felix Hernandez (sorry, Rich, the coronation for this "work in progress" is just gonna have to wait) 

And that's all he wrote: cliched, refried riffs and hackneyed? expressions as tired as the scowling image of the 2007 USML Champion that appears to frightening effect on page 4.? Perhaps all those celebrations of the "better than one victory" per year Jeffrey averages (according to his self-penned bio, anyway) have finally taken their toll.? Maybe next year Jeffrey won't phone in his analysis from a chaise lounge next to a Scottsdale swimming pool while some underpaid "personal assistant" rubs sunscreen on his inner thighs.? But the sad fact is that it's time to come to terms with JHW's diminished talents and to stop hoping for a bigger bang for your buck. You're better off sneaking a peak at Kerber's cheat sheets on draft date when he's off taking a wizz....not that I've ever done that.... 

--Lester Bangs? ???????? 
????? 

???? 
????? 
????? 



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