[USML Announce] Pippin's Nothing But A Dog

[Andrew Klein]

At first I got excited when I saw that Jeffrey declared the K-9 as 
frontrunners based, in part, on a lack of injuries.  Then I surfed over 
to rotoworld.com, and saw the following:  Braden to the DL.  A-Rod out 
with oblique/back problems.  Gutierrez going to the Mayo Clinic instead 
of rehab.  ... Thanks for nothing, Jeff.

Anyway, a bit of history about Pippin's projections.  Before Pippin (may 
she rest in peace) was a gleam in her mother's eyes, I published the 
"Candy Ass Projections."  Those were a response to Winick's post-draft 
calculations that always found his team the best, while declaring Alex 
Liberman's team the worst.  Alex didn't like that, and since one of his 
pet phrases was "candy ass" (whatever that means), a responsive document 
was produced.  The following year, Pippin arrived and Pippin's 
Projections were born, soon followed by Pippin's Nothing But a Dog 
commentary from Jeff/Shandler, et al.

As for this year's version, I'm calling the Calamari the favorite based 
on the quaint idea that Jim's roster has the best players.  Of course, 
one never knows what a Wieters, a Wood, or a temporarily-insane Mark 
Blocker will do to the dynamic of a pennant race.  So it should be a fun 
season!

-Andy

On 4/17/11 12:29 PM, Jeffrey Winick wrote:
> It’s that time again.  Pippin no longer has much to say, but the 
> tradition begun long ago with Pippin’s Projections and the rebuttal 
> “Pippin’s Nothing But a Dog” continues.
>
> With all the bitching and moaning from Brad Jansen, one can only draw 
> the inescapable conclusion that that certain someone is in desperate 
> need of that which his initials are also known to stand for.  But I 
> was not to be dissuaded and I will offer my projections nonetheless:
>
> 10 – Hoosier Daddies – Surprise, surprise.  You had to be expecting to 
> see the Block’s Bombers here, but as we’ll discuss further down the 
> page, that team, while bad, is still better than this one.  There are 
> simply too many non-productive players on this roster.  Castro, Getz, 
> Ryan, Saunders and Rodriguez are all guys that won’t put up much, if 
> any, offensive value.  And many of the following are going to be 
> filling key pitching slots this year and that does not bode well:  
> Litsch, Buehrle, Carmona, Vargas and O’Day.  Without much in the way 
> of trade bait to make a run this year, the smart money is on this 
> smart player pulling back and playing for the future.
>
> 9 – Riptorns – It should be time for this once uber franchise to 
> return to relevance, but a quick perusal of his roster makes it clear 
> that you’re going to have to be patient if you’re waiting for another 
> Riptorn title.  Bottom line – this team is not good.  Start with the 
> catchers.  Cervelli and Shoppach?  Zero and Zero.  Rhymes, Nix, Hughes 
> are three more dead slots.  But the real problem is that the 
> supposedly productive slots are occupied by overpriced bums.  Brad Lee 
> took all that hard earned draft money and wasted it.  $18 on Chone 
> Figgins, $29 on Adam Dunn, $12 on Magglio Ordonez, $11 on Peter 
> Bourjos, $15 on Tsuyoshi Nishioka and $8 on Hideki Matsui (when he 
> could have had David Ortiz for $2).  What do these guys have in 
> common?  They’re either over the hill, perennially injured, batting 
> average drains or some combination of the three.  The pitching is 
> good, but not nearly as good as Brad Lee thought and not nearly good 
> enough to overcome the consequences of too many holes in the offense.  
> Even the great Brad Lee won’t be able to fill them.  And he’s too 
> smart to fight the inevitable.  The seeds for a successful future are 
> already in place.  Count on Brad Lee to start farming (or is that 
> fishing) very, very soon.
>
> 8 – Block’s Bombers – This team is in rebuilding mode as evidenced by 
> the brilliant moves at the end of last season.  Why will this team 
> finish ahead of the Riptorns?  Just look at the catchers.  Mr. B was 
> wise enough to trade for Wieters and to draft the resurgent Alex 
> Avila.  Luke Scott, Brett Gardner, Brent Morel, Ricky Romero, Brian 
> Duensing, Derek Holland and Jake McGee all provide hope for the 
> future.  Sure, Liriano, Hughes, Quentin and Rivera all look like 
> busts, but that will all be forgotten by next year.  Cano, Butler, 
> Reynolds and Papelbon are the bait to go fishing and further stock the 
> cupboard for next year.  All signs pointing up.
>
> 7 – Nukes – It’s beginning to look like the Nukes rebuilding plan is a 
> two year plan.  The injuries to Mauer and Piniero, the disappearance 
> of Jaso and Rodney and too many holes in both the offense and the 
> pitching mean that it’s going to take one more year to put this all 
> together.  Andrus, Hill and Lind as well as perhaps some of the 
> pitchers are sure to draw some nice chattel.  And if history is 
> instructive, the Nukes won’t wait around like some other rebuilding 
> teams deciding when or whether it’s the right time to make a move.  
> The odds on favorite for the 2012 title.
>
> 6 – Angry Young Men – The great thing about this season is that any of 
> the top 6 teams could win it all.  The Angry Young Men have more 
> reason to consolidate things for next year and are therefore predicted 
> to do exactly that.  But if they decide to give it a go, they could 
> certainly challenge for the Damon.  The challenges start with the 
> absence of speed.  In this game, no speed costs you in two categories 
> since speed translates into runs.  And, sure enough, the AYM come up 
> short in that category as well.  Couple that with questionable batting 
> average and it would take some serious work to fix the offense if all 
> systems are go for 2011.  But if Doug is willing to move guys like 
> Hellickson, Drabek and Ackley, those holes will get filled.  I’m 
> betting that Doug is looking for a stronger shot at a title that a 
> little patience will bring, so he settles in at #6, but the ball is in 
> Doug’s court.  This is a #6 rating with an arrow up.
>
> 5 – Brats – Any team with an offense built around Miguel Cabrera and 
> Nelson Cruz can’t be overlooked.  But there’s not much speed and this 
> team is almost certain to have a brutal average.  That means that the 
> pitching has to overcome those faults.  And with Slowey a reliever 
> (and on the DL), James Shields looking overpriced, guys like Johnson, 
> Hochevar, Mazzaro and others looking thoroughly ordinary (at best) and 
> Soria, while great, not enough to earn more than 5-6 points in saves, 
> there’s likely not enough here to bring a title.
>
> 4 – Berliners – The crown rests heavy.  But the presence of the crown 
> signifies royalty and this squad has nobility written all over it.  
> How the league let the champ return with this kind of talent is hard 
> to fathom.  There are some holes in this offense, including an empty 
> corner slot (Teahen) a questionable middle slot (Casilla) and a need 
> for some young outfielders to prove they’re for real (Jackson and 
> Snider).  But the foundation of a 40+ point offense are present.  The 
> pitching needs to round into form, but the base of Verlander and 
> Lester is a very nice place to start.  With lots of solid youngsters 
> to swap in and out of the lineup (Porcello, Cecil, Francis, Tomlin, 
> Matusz and new stud pickup Harrison) the starting pitching should be 
> solid.  The problem is the relief corps.  Or in the immortal words of 
> Ozzie, this team “has no *&^%*&$ closer”.  Thornton looks like a bust 
> and none of the middle relievers look likely to garner saves.  So it’s 
> going to take some trades to get this team over the hump.  But history 
> suggests that this team has the gumption to pull off the key deals 
> necessary to make a run at it.  Is there a repeat title in the 
> reigning champs?  Just maybe.
>
> 3 – Calamari – The can be little doubt that the Calamari had a great 
> draft and that has put the Calamari in the thick of things for 2011.  
> A very strong pitching staff bolstered by King Felix, Dan Haren and CJ 
> Wilson provide the foundation.  The key to the pitching staff will be 
> Joe Nathan rediscovering his form.  If that comes (and it should), 
> there’s a stable base of 35+ pitching points.  The question then, is 
> the offense.  The loss of Manny is a serious blow since there are no 
> obvious replacements on the Calamari reserve roster.  But there are no 
> other gaping holes and a high upside guy like Lowrie is indicative of 
> the potential of this offense.  Jim’s not normally a wheeler-dealer 
> but if ever there was a year to go for the glory, this is it.
>
> 2 – Red Hots – The man who should be king…..but won’t.  There’s no 
> challenging the fact that the Red Hots went into the draft as 
> overwhelming favorites.  A killer list of offensive keepers meant all 
> Rich had to do was play it safe and come out of the draft with a solid 
> pitching staff.  But someone needed one more cup of coffee.  Perhaps 
> the Berliners were stupid to overpay for Lester and Verlander, but the 
> Red Hots were the one team that could afford to outbid him.  Instead 
> they ended up with a rotation of David Price and then…well….trouble.  
> Brandon Morrow is coming off a great season, but one in which his 
> workload increased dramatically.  And, what do you know, he’s hurt.  
> Gavin Floyd turned to crap at the end of the season and appears to 
> have settled into that status.  The only other guys that can help out 
> are the potentially done for the year Duchscherer and a thoroughly 
> mediocre Jeff Niemann.  The stable of middle relievers won’t really 
> hurt, but it also won’t help.  The injury to Longoria shouldn’t be a 
> problem as long as he heals quickly.  The bigger problem is that 
> (putting aside the difficulty this team has in dealing its prospects) 
> it really doesn’t have much to deal.  Hosmer is top notch, but after 
> that the cupboard looks a little bare.  Who knows, maybe Yorvit will 
> bring a huge return.  This is a very good team and just might get it 
> done.  But the early betting line says the draft day hiccups will cost 
> it a title due to the good fortune of the following team.
>
> 1 – Klein Nine – Is this the year it all comes together for the Klein 
> Nine?  Barring an inability to re-focus his attention on winning 
> rather than bashing his former co-conspirator Mark Blocker (remember 
> COPS), the answer should be YES.  He’s certainly gotten all the breaks 
> so far.  No serious injuries to worry about coupled with a strong core 
> of veteran players leading the charge (A Rod, Kinsler, Beltre, 
> Gonzalez) makes the Nine look hard to beat.  The offense will be 
> awesome and should put up big totals across the board.  This is the 
> top offensive team and by a potentially healthy margin.  Almost 
> shockingly, though, the pitching staff looks okay.  Guthrie and 
> Jackson provide the base and the supporting cast looks strong as 
> well.  The ERA and Ratio may not be pretty, but there will be plenty 
> of wins and strikeouts.  Rivera and the soon to be closing Uehara will 
> be pulling down saves, so this team should garner more than enough 
> pitching points to put it over the top.  Of course, all of that 
> assumes that as we approach the finish line, lady luck and Mr. B don’t 
> once again conspire to bring this storied franchise down to earth.  
> Don’t bet on it.
> _______________________________________________
> announce mailing list
> announce at usml.net
> http://lists.usml.net/mailman/listinfo/announce