[USML Announce] Pippin's Nothing But A Dog

[Jeffrey Winick]

It’s that time again.  Pippin no longer has much to say, but the 
tradition begun long ago with Pippin’s Projections and the rebuttal 
“Pippin’s Nothing But a Dog” continues.

With all the bitching and moaning from Brad Jansen, one can only draw 
the inescapable conclusion that that certain someone is in desperate 
need of that which his initials are also known to stand for.  But I was 
not to be dissuaded and I will offer my projections nonetheless:

10 – Hoosier Daddies – Surprise, surprise.  You had to be expecting to 
see the Block’s Bombers here, but as we’ll discuss further down the 
page, that team, while bad, is still better than this one.  There are 
simply too many non-productive players on this roster.  Castro, Getz, 
Ryan, Saunders and Rodriguez are all guys that won’t put up much, if 
any, offensive value.  And many of the following are going to be 
filling key pitching slots this year and that does not bode well:  
Litsch, Buehrle, Carmona, Vargas and O’Day.  Without much in the way of 
trade bait to make a run this year, the smart money is on this smart 
player pulling back and playing for the future.

9 – Riptorns – It should be time for this once uber franchise to return 
to relevance, but a quick perusal of his roster makes it clear that 
you’re going to have to be patient if you’re waiting for another 
Riptorn title.  Bottom line – this team is not good.  Start with the 
catchers.  Cervelli and Shoppach?  Zero and Zero.  Rhymes, Nix, Hughes 
are three more dead slots.  But the real problem is that the supposedly 
productive slots are occupied by overpriced bums.  Brad Lee took all 
that hard earned draft money and wasted it.  $18 on Chone Figgins, $29 
on Adam Dunn, $12 on Magglio Ordonez, $11 on Peter Bourjos, $15 on 
Tsuyoshi Nishioka and $8 on Hideki Matsui (when he could have had David 
Ortiz for $2).  What do these guys have in common?  They’re either over 
the hill, perennially injured, batting average drains or some 
combination of the three.  The pitching is good, but not nearly as good 
as Brad Lee thought and not nearly good enough to overcome the 
consequences of too many holes in the offense.  Even the great Brad Lee 
won’t be able to fill them.  And he’s too smart to fight the 
inevitable.  The seeds for a successful future are already in place.  
Count on Brad Lee to start farming (or is that fishing) very, very 
soon.

8 – Block’s Bombers – This team is in rebuilding mode as evidenced by 
the brilliant moves at the end of last season.  Why will this team 
finish ahead of the Riptorns?  Just look at the catchers.  Mr. B was 
wise enough to trade for Wieters and to draft the resurgent Alex Avila. 
  Luke Scott, Brett Gardner, Brent Morel, Ricky Romero, Brian Duensing, 
Derek Holland and Jake McGee all provide hope for the future.  Sure, 
Liriano, Hughes, Quentin and Rivera all look like busts, but that will 
all be forgotten by next year.  Cano, Butler, Reynolds and Papelbon are 
the bait to go fishing and further stock the cupboard for next year.  
All signs pointing up.

7 – Nukes – It’s beginning to look like the Nukes rebuilding plan is a 
two year plan.  The injuries to Mauer and Piniero, the disappearance of 
Jaso and Rodney and too many holes in both the offense and the pitching 
mean that it’s going to take one more year to put this all together.  
Andrus, Hill and Lind as well as perhaps some of the pitchers are sure 
to draw some nice chattel.  And if history is instructive, the Nukes 
won’t wait around like some other rebuilding teams deciding when or 
whether it’s the right time to make a move.  The odds on favorite for 
the 2012 title.

6 – Angry Young Men – The great thing about this season is that any of 
the top 6 teams could win it all.  The Angry Young Men have more reason 
to consolidate things for next year and are therefore predicted to do 
exactly that.  But if they decide to give it a go, they could certainly 
challenge for the Damon.  The challenges start with the absence of 
speed.  In this game, no speed costs you in two categories since speed 
translates into runs.  And, sure enough, the AYM come up short in that 
category as well.  Couple that with questionable batting average and it 
would take some serious work to fix the offense if all systems are go 
for 2011.  But if Doug is willing to move guys like Hellickson, Drabek 
and Ackley, those holes will get filled.  I’m betting that Doug is 
looking for a stronger shot at a title that a little patience will 
bring, so he settles in at #6, but the ball is in Doug’s court.  This 
is a #6 rating with an arrow up.

5 – Brats – Any team with an offense built around Miguel Cabrera and 
Nelson Cruz can’t be overlooked.  But there’s not much speed and this 
team is almost certain to have a brutal average.  That means that the 
pitching has to overcome those faults.  And with Slowey a reliever (and 
on the DL), James Shields looking overpriced, guys like Johnson, 
Hochevar, Mazzaro and others looking thoroughly ordinary (at best) and 
Soria, while great, not enough to earn more than 5-6 points in saves, 
there’s likely not enough here to bring a title.

4 – Berliners – The crown rests heavy.  But the presence of the crown 
signifies royalty and this squad has nobility written all over it.  How 
the league let the champ return with this kind of talent is hard to 
fathom.  There are some holes in this offense, including an empty 
corner slot (Teahen) a questionable middle slot (Casilla) and a need 
for some young outfielders to prove they’re for real (Jackson and 
Snider).  But the foundation of a 40+ point offense are present.  The 
pitching needs to round into form, but the base of Verlander and Lester 
is a very nice place to start.  With lots of solid youngsters to swap 
in and out of the lineup (Porcello, Cecil, Francis, Tomlin, Matusz and 
new stud pickup Harrison) the starting pitching should be solid.  The 
problem is the relief corps.  Or in the immortal words of Ozzie, this 
team “has no *&^%*&$ closer”.  Thornton looks like a bust and none of 
the middle relievers look likely to garner saves.  So it’s going to 
take some trades to get this team over the hump.  But history suggests 
that this team has the gumption to pull off the key deals necessary to 
make a run at it.  Is there a repeat title in the reigning champs?  
Just maybe.

3 – Calamari – The can be little doubt that the Calamari had a great 
draft and that has put the Calamari in the thick of things for 2011.  A 
very strong pitching staff bolstered by King Felix, Dan Haren and CJ 
Wilson provide the foundation.  The key to the pitching staff will be 
Joe Nathan rediscovering his form.  If that comes (and it should), 
there’s a stable base of 35+ pitching points.  The question then, is 
the offense.  The loss of Manny is a serious blow since there are no 
obvious replacements on the Calamari reserve roster.  But there are no 
other gaping holes and a high upside guy like Lowrie is indicative of 
the potential of this offense.  Jim’s not normally a wheeler-dealer but 
if ever there was a year to go for the glory, this is it.

2 – Red Hots – The man who should be king…..but won’t.  There’s no 
challenging the fact that the Red Hots went into the draft as 
overwhelming favorites.  A killer list of offensive keepers meant all 
Rich had to do was play it safe and come out of the draft with a solid 
pitching staff.  But someone needed one more cup of coffee.  Perhaps 
the Berliners were stupid to overpay for Lester and Verlander, but the 
Red Hots were the one team that could afford to outbid him.  Instead 
they ended up with a rotation of David Price and then…well….trouble.  
Brandon Morrow is coming off a great season, but one in which his 
workload increased dramatically.  And, what do you know, he’s hurt.  
Gavin Floyd turned to crap at the end of the season and appears to have 
settled into that status.  The only other guys that can help out are 
the potentially done for the year Duchscherer and a thoroughly mediocre 
Jeff Niemann.  The stable of middle relievers won’t really hurt, but it 
also won’t help.  The injury to Longoria shouldn’t be a problem as long 
as he heals quickly.  The bigger problem is that (putting aside the 
difficulty this team has in dealing its prospects) it really doesn’t 
have much to deal.  Hosmer is top notch, but after that the cupboard 
looks a little bare.  Who knows, maybe Yorvit will bring a huge return. 
  This is a very good team and just might get it done.  But the early 
betting line says the draft day hiccups will cost it a title due to the 
good fortune of the following team.

1 – Klein Nine – Is this the year it all comes together for the Klein 
Nine?  Barring an inability to re-focus his attention on winning rather 
than bashing his former co-conspirator Mark Blocker (remember COPS), 
the answer should be YES.  He’s certainly gotten all the breaks so far. 
  No serious injuries to worry about coupled with a strong core of 
veteran players leading the charge (A Rod, Kinsler, Beltre, Gonzalez) 
makes the Nine look hard to beat.  The offense will be awesome and 
should put up big totals across the board.  This is the top offensive 
team and by a potentially healthy margin.  Almost shockingly, though, 
the pitching staff looks okay.  Guthrie and Jackson provide the base 
and the supporting cast looks strong as well.  The ERA and Ratio may 
not be pretty, but there will be plenty of wins and strikeouts.  Rivera 
and the soon to be closing Uehara will be pulling down saves, so this 
team should garner more than enough pitching points to put it over the 
top.  Of course, all of that assumes that as we approach the finish 
line, lady luck and Mr. B don’t once again conspire to bring this 
storied franchise down to earth.  Don’t bet on it.