[USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

[Blocker, Mark B.]

Brad:  A hearty congratulations on your much-sought-after 5th place
finish.  I concede.   Only my busy schedule coupled with the need to sit
with Doug and watch game film from this past weekend's Packer rout of
the Bears is preventing me from making the traditional hour-long call to
the winner of the 5th place non-trophy.  But rest assured, I never had a
chance of competing with your fantasy baseball creationism agenda, a
term I must sheepishly admit that I did not know existed until moments
ago (did I sleep through that part of Moneyball?).  I am a fantasy
baseball evolutionist, looking for big bang to get the Bombers back to
the top, so I reject your whole creationism agenda.

 

But I digress.  Let me just say: job well done Brad.  I know you set out
from early March to secure this 5th place finish, and let me not stand
in the way of what must be a moment of real celebration at the Jansen
household now that the goal has been achieved.  I salute you, Brad
Jansen.

 

  -- Mark Blocker, owner of the now-vanquished-to-6th-place Block's
Bombers.

 

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On
Behalf Of Brad Jansen
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 9:39 AM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: [USML Announce] 2011 Campaign About Over, Still No Call

 

With 160 out of 162 precincts reporting, the Rips have locked down 5th
place, edging out the Bombers in a race that turned once the Rips
acquired Mike Moustakas from the LMC and traded Trevor Cahill to the
Bombers for Robinson Cano.

 

"By every measure I am pleased with the Riptorns' accomplishments this
year," remarked Brad Jansen. "We set out to start the season with nine
pitchers. Done. We wanted to stay in the race long enough to advance our
fantasy baseball creationism agenda. Done. We wanted some cheap keeps
and a fifth place finish to nab the first round pick in '12.
Double-Done. We couldn't catch Trout so we fished for Carp. Done."

 

All that remains is the traditional concession call from the defeated
opposition. So far, it has not happened. Said Brad: "Look, I know that
Andy Klein called Rich to concede first place as soon as Rich acquired
Verlander and Lester--and Andy had a twenty point lead at the time. I
also know that Andy this morning asked his assistant to get Jim Barrett
on the line. I expect an announcement will be made shortly.

 

"But Mark's Mark and I'm not going to sit by the phone all day. He
pulled down the shades and closed the shop weeks ago, so at this point I
don't expect to hear from him. Heck, I think Harold Washington is still
waiting for Bernie Epton's call. We'll just move forward with our
celebration and enjoy some free time with the family. It's been a long
season. I'm just gonna relax a spell before I resume ghostwriting
Jeffrey Winick's fantasy magazine columns."      


 
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