[USML Announce] Grant Balfour, The Quiet Closer: An Appreciation

[Brad Jansen]

   "I remember the moment so well, so fondly," mused Brad Jansen, the
melancholic CEO of the flagging Riptorns. "After the Angries retained the
ancient Mariano Rivera for $26, the Bombers bought the excessively
flamboyant Valverde for $23, and the Berliners blew $16 on Matt
Thornton,  I sat ready to go up to 25 on Grant Balfour. When the bidding
for him stopped at 9, I had to lean on Jeffrey and catch my breath.
    "I understand that he's not as large as Jonathan Broxton, as
nearsighted as Kyle Farnsworth, or as exciting as Sergio Santos--but he
brings a quiet calm that my team needs, indeed a placidity that I myself
need right now,"  observed the dapper Jansen. "I know some teams, the
Berliners in particular, try to navigate these difficult waters without a
closer. I admit that I need a closer, someone who simply gets the job done
when called upon. I believe I found that certain someone. As bad as the
Riptorns' season has started and as worse as it shall become, I find solace
in Grant Balfour's presence on my active roster."
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