[USML Announce] Riptorns Suspend 2012 Championship Campaign

[Brad Jansen]

Reporting from Jeff Winick's Hot Tub--

Riptorns executive Brad Jansen announced Tuesday that he will suspend the
Riptorns' 2012 campaign but vowed “we are not done trading.”

“While this championship race is over for us, for me…we are not done
trading,” Jansen said. “ We are going to continue to trade for those
keepers…. There’s a lot of greatness, a lot of greatness in this league.”

In a somber press conference in Jeffrey Winick's sauna, the conservative
Riptorn CEO said he and his family had made the decision to draft players
like Smoak, Conger and Chisenhall during a discussion at White Castle's,
and that it was similarly a family decision to suspend the 2012
championship campaign. He recounted the nearly monthlong campaign.

“It was a love affair for me, going from team to team and seeing the
differences, but seeing the wonderful, wonderful people of this USML,” he
said.

"But now it's time to provide opportunity for fine ballplayers like
Andrus, Lind, Upton, Jones and Danks to play for a winner who will go all
the way and fight for what's right: The Damon."
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