[USML Announce] Grading The In-Season Dump Deals

[Brad Jansen]

Master Robbins, in reviewing your course work I noticed you acquired
Fernando Rodney at a bargain price. You have earned enough extra credit to
earn yourself an A in the course. I commend your ability to balance your
many classes with your interesting
and intellectually stimulating hobbies. Feel free to use me as a reference.

On Mon, Aug 6, 2012 at 10:30 PM, Richard Robbins <rerobbins at itinker.net>wrote:

> I suspect the school is going to lose its accreditation.
>
> There are rumors that Professor Brad Lee has been accepting bribes in
> return for grades.
>
>  On Mon, Aug 6, 2012 at 2:57 PM, Andrew Klein <anrklein at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>
>> Dear Deans Robbins and Kerber,
>>
>> Please send me the grade appeal process!
>>
>> -K9
>>
>>
>>
>>  From my Android phone on T-Mobile. The first nationwide 4G network.
>>
>> Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Good afternoon, class. I have waived this school's code of
>> confidentiality and posted both your names and grades for this summer's
>> in-season dump deal assignment. Needless to say, I am a bit disappointed in
>> your overall efforts and utter lack of imagination. While I understand
>> the Riptorns' off-season acquisition of Mike Trout will stand as The
>> Greatest Trade Ever Made, by no means should you have set your sights so
>> low and not even try to top that deal. Be that as it may, I have tried to
>> generate more effort in analyzing your moves than you obviously did on
>> making them:
>>
>> Incomplete: Adams Family Values. If any of these acquisitions remain in
>> organized baseball long enough to come off the DL, then I'll assign a
>> grade. I do recommend, however, that you retake this class and try your
>> experiments on live creatures and not all these dead frogs.
>>
>> F:  Klein Nine.  Acquires mediocre kid pitchers and a closer that every
>> media outlet projected would end up traded to the NL.  Guess aluminum foil
>> does not generate great TV reception down there in Indiana. Gets a MI and
>> OF who are utility players on any other team--oh, wait, Frenchy already
>> is....Preparation so poor I should send you to the dean.
>>
>> D: Block's Bombers. Took all summer and half your team, but you did
>> manage to land a 36-year old DH who will be batting from a walker next year
>> assuming he can even stand on one leg. Nevertheless he's $1 and clearly
>> will return value on your investment when not lounging in the whirlpool.
>> Lester at $31 could be a steal if he can maintain an ERA below 5.00.
>>
>> C-: Mighty Red Hots. That independent study project photographing tires
>> in rural America wreaked havoc with your studies. Dustin Ackley for
>> chrissakes? Hopefully Cain won't need further DL stints to convince you to
>> extend his contract next year. Otherwise, all I can say is "here's lookin'
>> at Yu, kid" OK, enough puns on his name. I am soooo disappointed in your
>> overall performance this year. From high honors to near rock bottom. Next
>> summer take typing.
>>
>> B+ : Riptorns. Montero and Bundy very nice pick ups and will be team's
>> mainstays for a long long while. I'd call Franklin and Lee a terrific
>> keystone combo except they're both shortstops.
>>
>> A: Berliners. Fooled me. Thought you were playing for this year, but
>> instead netted some nice cheap keepers for next summer's class: Doumit-8
>> and soon-to-be-reinstalled closer Grant Balfour at 9 are solid guys as will
>> be a rejuvenated John Danks at 17. Come here and get your certificate
>> before your chauffeur arrives to take you to your spinning lessons.
>>
>>
>> Class dismissed. Get the hell out of here, all of you.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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