[USML Announce] Grading The In-Season Dump Deals

[Blocker, Mark B.]

I am pretty sure it wasn't accredited to begin with.  

 

From: announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] On
Behalf Of Richard Robbins
Sent: Monday, August 06, 2012 10:31 PM
To: USML Announcements
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] Grading The In-Season Dump Deals

 

I suspect the school is going to lose its accreditation.

 

There are rumors that Professor Brad Lee has been accepting bribes in
return for grades.

On Mon, Aug 6, 2012 at 2:57 PM, Andrew Klein <anrklein at gmail.com> wrote:

 

Dear Deans Robbins and Kerber,

 

Please send me the grade appeal process!

 

-K9

 

 

 

>From my Android phone on T-Mobile. The first nationwide 4G network.


Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com> wrote:

Good afternoon, class. I have waived this school's code of
confidentiality and posted both your names and grades for this summer's
in-season dump deal assignment. Needless to say, I am a bit disappointed
in your overall efforts and utter lack of imagination. While I
understand the Riptorns' off-season acquisition of Mike Trout will stand
as The Greatest Trade Ever Made, by no means should you have set your
sights so low and not even try to top that deal. Be that as it may, I
have tried to generate more effort in analyzing your moves than you
obviously did on making them:

 

Incomplete: Adams Family Values. If any of these acquisitions remain in
organized baseball long enough to come off the DL, then I'll assign a
grade. I do recommend, however, that you retake this class and try your
experiments on live creatures and not all these dead frogs.     

 

F:  Klein Nine.  Acquires mediocre kid pitchers and a closer that every
media outlet projected would end up traded to the NL.  Guess aluminum
foil does not generate great TV reception down there in Indiana. Gets a
MI and OF who are utility players on any other team--oh, wait, Frenchy
already is....Preparation so poor I should send you to the dean.

 

D: Block's Bombers. Took all summer and half your team, but you did
manage to land a 36-year old DH who will be batting from a walker next
year assuming he can even stand on one leg. Nevertheless he's $1 and
clearly will return value on your investment when not lounging in the
whirlpool. Lester at $31 could be a steal if he can maintain an ERA
below 5.00.

 

C-: Mighty Red Hots. That independent study project photographing tires
in rural America wreaked havoc with your studies. Dustin Ackley for
chrissakes? Hopefully Cain won't need further DL stints to convince you
to extend his contract next year. Otherwise, all I can say is "here's
lookin' at Yu, kid" OK, enough puns on his name. I am soooo disappointed
in your overall performance this year. From high honors to near rock
bottom. Next summer take typing.

 

B+ : Riptorns. Montero and Bundy very nice pick ups and will be team's
mainstays for a long long while. I'd call Franklin and Lee a terrific
keystone combo except they're both shortstops. 

 

A: Berliners. Fooled me. Thought you were playing for this year, but
instead netted some nice cheap keepers for next summer's class: Doumit-8
and soon-to-be-reinstalled closer Grant Balfour at 9 are solid guys as
will be a rejuvenated John Danks at 17. Come here and get your
certificate before your chauffeur arrives to take you to your spinning
lessons.

 

 

Class dismissed. Get the hell out of here, all of you. 

 

 

 

         


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