[USML Announce] Fwd: Handicapping The Horses At The Halfway Mark

[Brad Jansen]

Boys, just remember what the Prophet said a few weeks ago......

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 5, 2013 at 1:36 PM
Subject: Handicapping The Horses At The Halfway Mark
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>


(Dictated but not proofread by Jeffrey Winick):

    *Berliners  *
        Why they'll win:  Brilliant strategist has proven track record of
taking all action necessary to destroy opposition. Lackey and Danks stay on
upswing, lowering team ERA and adding more points. Plenty of salary cap
space for Major Deal.
         Why they won't: Lack of second closer and power hitter leave team
vulnerable to precipitous point drop. Klein Nine's Perez and Viceido solve
those needs. Hullo....

    *Mighty Red Hots*
*         *Why they'll win: With SP back on track, more points for the
taking. Someone (e.g., Klein Nine) will take bait for likes of Franklin and
Zunino.
         Why they won't: Salary capped out, patchy offensive production
takes another hit with Willingham down, and teams won't dump for likes of
Franklin and Zunino.

    *Blocks Bombers*
*          *Why they'll win: N/A.
          Why they won't: Pitching staff stuffed with likes of Torres,
Lyles, Kluber and Medina should not, cannot and will not lead any team to
the Promised Land.

     *Lake Michigan Calamari*
           Why they'll win: Joey Bats, Pujols and Hamilton launch team out
of offensive cellar while pitching remains League's finest.
           Why they won't: Joey Bats, Pujols and Hamilton incapable of
launching team out of offensive cellar.

    * Riptorns *
*            *Why they'll win: League's elder statesmen and gentle soul
acquired solid core of winning veterans via fair trades and, besides, good
things sometimes happen to public employees.
            Why they won't: Forces of evil, spearheaded by likes of
Berliners, stop at nothing to tear down this old man's dream.
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