[USML Announce] Fwd: Handicapping The Horses At The Halfway Mark

[springkerb]

To be covered in a special edition.


Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S®4 Active™, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

-------- Original message --------
From: Dennis Adams <dadams17 at gmail.com> 
Date: 07/27/2013  1:19 PM  (GMT-06:00) 
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net> 
Subject: Re: [USML Announce] Fwd: Handicapping The Horses At The Halfway Mark 
 
Brad, I didn't see the Skippies included in the horse race. A gross oversight, I presume.

On Jul 27, 2013 1:18 PM, "Brad Jansen" <bljansen at gmail.com> wrote:
Boys, just remember what the Prophet said a few weeks ago......

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 5, 2013 at 1:36 PM
Subject: Handicapping The Horses At The Halfway Mark
To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>


(Dictated but not proofread by Jeffrey Winick):
  
    Berliners  
        Why they'll win:  Brilliant strategist has proven track record of taking all action necessary to destroy opposition. Lackey and Danks stay on upswing, lowering team ERA and adding more points. Plenty of salary cap space for Major Deal.
         Why they won't: Lack of second closer and power hitter leave team vulnerable to precipitous point drop. Klein Nine's Perez and Viceido solve those needs. Hullo....

    Mighty Red Hots
         Why they'll win: With SP back on track, more points for the taking. Someone (e.g., Klein Nine) will take bait for likes of Franklin and Zunino.
         Why they won't: Salary capped out, patchy offensive production takes another hit with Willingham down, and teams won't dump for likes of Franklin and Zunino.

    Blocks Bombers
          Why they'll win: N/A.
          Why they won't: Pitching staff stuffed with likes of Torres, Lyles, Kluber and Medina should not, cannot and will not lead any team to the Promised Land.

     Lake Michigan Calamari
           Why they'll win: Joey Bats, Pujols and Hamilton launch team out of offensive cellar while pitching remains League's finest.
           Why they won't: Joey Bats, Pujols and Hamilton incapable of launching team out of offensive cellar.

     Riptorns 
            Why they'll win: League's elder statesmen and gentle soul acquired solid core of winning veterans via fair trades and, besides, good things sometimes happen to public employees.
            Why they won't: Forces of evil, spearheaded by likes of Berliners, stop at nothing to tear down this old man's dream.




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