[USML Announce] USML Week In Review

[Andy Klein]

Hmmm ... after my "new law dean seminar" last week, this sounds like an
excellent revenue-generating opportunity for my school.  Brad, please send
me your roster of potential students and we can talk about making you an
adjunct professor at IU!

-Andy


On Mon, Jun 17, 2013 at 2:01 PM, Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com> wrote:

> Dear Brother Jeffrey:
>   I am hurt at the way you mock my hard work to present a nuanced  and
> balanced review of the prior week's results. I am terminating your
> subscription.
> --Brad
>
> P.S. I may also add that the words Riptorns and Fair Trade are darn pretty
> near synonymous. In the past several weeks I have struck deals with the
> Nukes, Hoosier Daddies, Klein Nine and AFV, to name but a handful.
> Finishing first does not matter to me so much as a firm handshake, good eye
> contact and a willingness to be objective and treat others as equals.
> Perhaps you'd like to enroll in my Fair Trade Workshop that I am developing
> for implementation this off-season--does your firm provide tuition
> reimbursement?
>
>
> On Mon, Jun 17, 2013 at 10:49 AM, Jeffrey Winick <jhwinick at aol.com> wrote:
>
>> No worries.  I got an advance copy prepared by your staffers.  Here's the
>> summary:
>>
>>  Winick is done - his team team sucks and it's only the beginning of the
>> pain he'll suffer for his willingness to trade me Montero when I asked for
>> him.
>>
>>  The Riptorns will rule the world, just having made the single greatest
>> trade in (wait for it) not only the history of the USML.....not only the
>> history of rotisserie baseball....but in the history of man.  Bow in my
>> presence.  And, no, that is not a request.
>>
>>  The Red Hots are of no real threat to the Riptorns because their cheap
>> closers suck and young beans (especially those who play catcher) never
>> really pan out - just ask me about Montero.  But he, too, will, finish
>> ahead of the hapless Berliners.
>>
>>  Everyone else is irrelevant to my quest for another Riptorn
>> championship.  Nonetheless, if any of you would like to be a part of my
>> great campaign, you know where to find me.  I'll be happy to let you join
>> the bandwagon by giving me some of your meager talent in exchange for the
>> ability to know that you, too, were part of this magical season.
>>
>>  Brother Brad Lee Jansen
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
>> To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
>> Sent: Mon, Jun 17, 2013 10:34 am
>> Subject: [USML Announce] USML Week In Review
>>
>>  Dear kind and beloved readers:
>>   I ran out of the house today without printing the standings or rosters.
>>  I will have to publish the weekly report tonight or tomorrow. I apologize
>> for any inconveniences this may cause you.
>>
>>  With warm regards,
>> Brother Brad Lee
>> Staff Analyst
>>
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