[USML Announce] USML Week In Review

[Brad Jansen]

Dear Brother Jeffrey:
  I am hurt at the way you mock my hard work to present a nuanced  and
balanced review of the prior week's results. I am terminating your
subscription.
--Brad

P.S. I may also add that the words Riptorns and Fair Trade are darn pretty
near synonymous. In the past several weeks I have struck deals with the
Nukes, Hoosier Daddies, Klein Nine and AFV, to name but a handful.
Finishing first does not matter to me so much as a firm handshake, good eye
contact and a willingness to be objective and treat others as equals.
Perhaps you'd like to enroll in my Fair Trade Workshop that I am developing
for implementation this off-season--does your firm provide tuition
reimbursement?

On Mon, Jun 17, 2013 at 10:49 AM, Jeffrey Winick <jhwinick at aol.com> wrote:

> No worries.  I got an advance copy prepared by your staffers.  Here's the
> summary:
>
>  Winick is done - his team team sucks and it's only the beginning of the
> pain he'll suffer for his willingness to trade me Montero when I asked for
> him.
>
>  The Riptorns will rule the world, just having made the single greatest
> trade in (wait for it) not only the history of the USML.....not only the
> history of rotisserie baseball....but in the history of man.  Bow in my
> presence.  And, no, that is not a request.
>
>  The Red Hots are of no real threat to the Riptorns because their cheap
> closers suck and young beans (especially those who play catcher) never
> really pan out - just ask me about Montero.  But he, too, will, finish
> ahead of the hapless Berliners.
>
>  Everyone else is irrelevant to my quest for another Riptorn
> championship.  Nonetheless, if any of you would like to be a part of my
> great campaign, you know where to find me.  I'll be happy to let you join
> the bandwagon by giving me some of your meager talent in exchange for the
> ability to know that you, too, were part of this magical season.
>
>  Brother Brad Lee Jansen
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Brad Jansen <bljansen at gmail.com>
> To: USML Announcements <announce at usml.net>
> Sent: Mon, Jun 17, 2013 10:34 am
> Subject: [USML Announce] USML Week In Review
>
>  Dear kind and beloved readers:
>   I ran out of the house today without printing the standings or rosters.
>  I will have to publish the weekly report tonight or tomorrow. I apologize
> for any inconveniences this may cause you.
>
>  With warm regards,
> Brother Brad Lee
> Staff Analyst
>
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