[USML Announce] Fwd: Pippin's Nothing But A Dog - 2014

Sun May 11 16:37:17 EDT 2014

I'm not the sure the first one made it through the censors.  This is the 
first version of seen - and it's outstanding!

Thank you, Jeff, for acknowledging the brilliant K9 pitching staff. I'm 
so excited about my twirlers, I'm tempted to channel my inner Jansen and 
start writing song lyrics about Sonny Gray.

"Sonny, yesterday my life was filled with rain.
Sonny, you pitched again and really eased the pain.
Oh, the dark days are done and the bright days are here,
Sonny Gray shines so sincere.
Oh, Sonny one so true, I love you."

But I digress, and mean no disrespect to Yordana Ventura (Highway).

In any event, about those "less productive slots" on offense.  Hank 
"King" Conger and his 5 RBI today would beg to differ.

That is all.  And bring it on.

-Andy
   K9
   Owner Yordano Ventura and Sonny Gray

On 5/11/14, 10:56 AM, Jeffrey Winick wrote:
> Unfortunately it turns out that I hadn't secured full licensing rights 
> to utilize Mr. Jansen's name in print. I'm afraid I am therefore 
> compelled to withdraw the 2014 version of Pippins Nothing But A Dog.
>
> Seeing that no one has apparently read it, I don't expect that to 
> cause much inconvenience.
>
> Sorry for the interruption.
>
> Jeff Winick
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> Begin forwarded message:
>
>> *From:* Jeff Winick <jhwinick at aol.com <mailto:jhwinick at aol.com>>
>> *Date:* May 8, 2014 at 6:52:05 PM CDT
>> *To:* "announce at usml.net <mailto:announce at usml.net>" 
>> <announce at usml.net <mailto:announce at usml.net>>
>> *Subject:* *[USML Announce] Pippin's Nothing But A Dog - 2014*
>> *Reply-To:* USML Announcements <announce at usml.net 
>> <mailto:announce at usml.net>>
>>
>> *Pippin's Nothing But a Dog -- 2014*
>>
>> Projected Standings
>>
>> *_The Better Luck Next Year Division_*
>> */
>> /*
>> */10.          Berliners/* -- First to dump and has the results to 
>> show for it. Bogaerts, Profar, Archer, Garcia, Darvish bolster a 
>> bunch of beans that could explode (Buxton, Gallo, Sano, Lindor).  
>> 2014 looks ugly, but 2015 and beyond is looking very good.
>> */
>> /*
>> */9.            Red Hots/* -- Came to the draft as a man on a 
>> mission......to rebuild.  The process hasn't yet begun, presumably 
>> because the team started strong out of the gate.  But this is a team 
>> built for 2015 and beyond.  Only a question of when, not whether the 
>> dumping begins.
>> */
>> /*
>> */8.            Brats/* -- Early returns aren't looking too good on 
>> the late season trades of 2013 and the cupboard is looking decidedly 
>> bare. Worse yet, this is not a team that has a realistic shot at 
>> contention in 2014.  The Brats may not know it yet, but they're still 
>> in rebuilding mode. Whether they figure it out or not -- this team 
>> will not be holding the Damon after the last pitch of the regular 
>> season has been thrown.
>> *_
>> _*
>> *_The With A Little Help from My Friends Division_*
>> */
>> /*
>> */7.            Block's Bombers/* -- A team with not near enough 
>> offense to play with the big boys.  The middle infield is frightening 
>> and the corners are only a little bit better. The pitching will play, 
>> though ERA and WHIP could be a little bit dicey.  Bottom line is that 
>> this is a team that could and should get better. But the Bombers only 
>> make a trade a couple times a decade and I'm not sure it's that time 
>> yet.  Worse yet, rumor has it that Chisenhall will be the key chip 
>> used to attract the attention of the dumpers.  Another Drive for Five 
>> is almost surely in store for the Bombers.
>> */
>> /*
>> */6.            Calamari/* -- Not enough at bats due to too many old 
>> guys on the roster (Konerko, Jeter, Ichiro) and the consequences show 
>> up in every offensive category.  The pitching needs to get and stay 
>> healthy, but the addition of a couple of big bats (like Cespedes 
>> and/or Santana, just for example) could turn this team from pretender 
>> to contender in a hurry.
>> */
>> /*
>> */5.            Adams Family Values/* -- Skippy caught lightening in 
>> a bottle with Abreu and that has him in the hunt.   This is a solid 
>> team -- the problem is that the 4 yet to be mentioned are better. 
>> It's tough to win when your starting lineup includes guys like 
>> Morrison, Callaspo, Sizemore and Maxwell.  Drop Cespedes or Santana 
>> onto this roster and ..... magic.  The pitching is dependent upon a 
>> lot of young arms, but could be and should be excellent.  AFV could 
>> make things interesting if Skippy can find enough time away from his 
>> day (and night) job to focus.
>> *_
>> _*
>> *_The This Could Be the Year Division_*
>> The first thing you notice about the upper division is that 3 of the 
>> 4 teams had the good judgment to talk to the Berliners and fill key 
>> holes.  Only 1 rebuffed Mr. Winick's entreaties.  He would be wise to 
>> either reconsider or start working on the Red Hots and/or Brats or 
>> he'll find the season slipping away.
>> */
>> /*
>> */4.            Angry Young Men/* -- Right there with the Nukes as 
>> the best offense in the league.  Unfortunately, that's where the 
>> similarities end.  An infusion of solid pitching made this team much 
>> better, but a lot still depends on major question marks like Jimenez, 
>> Richards and Chen.  That's a little scary.  Has some nice beans and 
>> Jonathan Schoop to get some more trustworthy replacements and some 
>> more saves.  If it happens, watch out for the AYM.
>> */
>> /*
>> */3.            Hoosier Daddies/* -- Solid across the board on both 
>> sides of the ledger. Offense is rock solid without a single slot 
>> occupied by anything other than a top notch player. Pitching is 
>> similarly stocked, though boy would it have helped if Griffin hadn't 
>> gone under the knife.  But a shrewd trade put this team squarely in 
>> the hunt for the Damon.
>> */
>> /*
>> */2.            Klein Nine/* -- Killer pitching (wait....is this 
>> really the Nine that I'm talking about??) is the foundation of this 
>> team.  And the offense is rock solid, but the few less productive 
>> slots will ultimately be the difference between holding the Damon and 
>> wistfully looking on as someone else grabs the prize.  Proclaiming 
>> victory less than a month into the season creates bad karma and to 
>> add insult to injury, the Dean had the audacity to declare "bring it 
>> on" to The Curse.  Nope.....not gonna happen in 2014.
>> */
>> /*
>> */1.            Nukes/* -- Now that the curse has been removed, the 
>> future looks very bright for the Nukes.  This team projects to be 
>> near the top in every offensive category except for batting average. 
>> Thanks to good friend Mr. Winick, the pitching is now anchored by the 
>> reigning Cy Young winner and backed up with the likely AL Rookie of 
>> the Year.  Sure, there are some question marks in the rotation.  And 
>> there's a need for Janssen to come back healthy and soon.  But the 
>> Nukes know how to deal and have a long history trading with the one 
>> team with the best remaining goods - Red Hots. With guys like Tanaka, 
>> Springer and Skaggs as bait, the expectation is that this team is 
>> going to get even better. Here's your 2014 Champion!
>>
>> That is all.
>>
>> Brad Lee Badfinger Jansen (with a little help from his friend, Mr. 
>> Winick)
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