[USML Announce] SHABES ANNOUNCES MOVE TO "STRONGER COMPETITION"!

[Brad Saks]

That's right.  It's not a coincidence that Shabes is vying for first place 
this year...By the way, it's spelled SAKS; and get used to it.  We'll be on 
top for a while.

Dr. Brad Saks
Health Psychologist
President, North Shore Center for Weight Management
666 Dundee Road, Suite 502
Northbrook, IL 60062
847-562-9355
bjsaks at earthlink.net
Faculty, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine
Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences
Member, Academy of Cognitive Therapy
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Andy Klein" <anrklein at yahoo.com>
To: "USML Announcements" <announce at usml.net>
Sent: Monday, May 29, 2006 7:29 AM
Subject: [USML Announce] SHABES ANNOUNCES MOVE TO "STRONGER COMPETITION"!


  SHABES CONQUERS USML; PLANS MOVE TO ?STRONGER COMPETITION?

   GLENVIEW,  IL - When Brad Sachs attended the 2006 USML draft, most 
observers viewed him as a mere insurance policy.  ?I figured he was only 
there to finish a bid in case Shabelman retched ,? Buddha said.

   Today, however, league officials learned that Sachs was much more.  In a 
statement faxed to USML headquarters, Shabelman announced Sachs as the new 
lead owner of the Angry Young Men.

    ?The USML has become too easy for me,? Doug said.  ?I need stronger 
competition.?

   Shabelman?s decision comes on the heels of his fleecing the Block?s 
Bombers.

   ?Thank God I could text Blocker on my Blackberry,? Shabelman said in an 
exclusive interview.  ?That way, he couldn?t see me doubling over with 
laughter when he actually took my offer seriously.

   ?I knew that Klein had offered Coco Crisp ? a young .300 hitter with 
power and speed, batting leadoff in Boston.  Obviously, my roster had 
nothing to compete.  So, just for the hell of it, I threw out Nick Swisher?s 
name.  I mean, who cares that he hit .236 last year.  Or that he was a .260 
hitter in more than 1000 minor league at-bats.  Or that he is mired in a 
massive slump even as we speak.  The only thing that mattered to Blocker was 
his label as a ?Winick Pick? in Fantasy Forecaster Magazine.  Man, it was 
like taking candy from a baby.?

   Shabelman paused to catch his breath.  ?I?m too good for this league,? he 
chuckled.  ?Next year, I?ve got to find a real challenge.?

   Despite repeated efforts, Andy Klein could not be reached for comment. 
League sources believe he is pounding his head on his desk, weeping 
uncontrollably.


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