[USML Announce] I'm A Berliner--Get Me Out Of Here!

[Brad Jansen]

Dear Brother Mark:
   If only I could stand toe-to-toe with you when it comes to caustic
composition, but alas, like our baseball teams, I fall short in that sport
as well.
   But please let me state that if you took a moment to look at rosters
other than your own, as glorious as it is, you would know that Felix Pie is
not a Riptorn, but a Berliner.  There is no need to react so defensively to
Jeffrey's essay about Corky (*not *Corkie) Miller. Contrary to
your musings, Jeffrey's missive was not some thinly-veiled intent to
"pump-and-dump" any Riptorn talent, including Corky.  The Riptorns know
quite well their place in the USML; given that it is a distant 4th, you may
rest assured that they are not "pumping-and-dumping" any of their
players, whose value in any event could never compare to that of Messrs.
Wieters and Price.
   Now, please, wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough and don't
touch me.
Regards,
Brother Brad


On 4/27/09, Blocker, Mark B. <mblocker at sidley.com> wrote:
>
>  So Brad, I see that with June right around the corner, you have already
> begun the pump-and-dump talk about the value-less players you would like to
> unload now (Corkie, Pie, others?), to be followed -- I am certain -- by the
> pump-and-dump about the collection of deep, deep, deep minor leaguers
> sitting on your reserve roster -- none of whom are guys like Wieters and
> Price who will be up in the majors shortly, and whose value, if any, is in
> the way distant future.
>
> Let me help you out here, free of charge.  The reason you are lamenting
> what you call a "boring" season is that you are not offering in trade any of
> the real major leaguers on your roster that might draw some modest interest
> (by the way, over at Bombers Central, we think this is the least boring
> season in years).  If you want to do that, go ahead and see if you can make
> things interesting.  If not, dial me up and I can help you ease your pain
> for this year.
>
>   -- Mark B.
>
> P.S.  Did you see that Masterson lad throwing his 95 mph smoke last night?
> Or were you too busy focusing on his 2.76 ERA and 1.28 WHIP?
>
>  ------------------------------
> *From:* announce-bounces at usml.net [mailto:announce-bounces at usml.net] *On
> Behalf Of *Brad Jansen
> *Sent:* Monday, April 27, 2009 9:49 AM
> *To:* USML Announcements
> *Subject:* [USML Announce] Corky's Revenge: A Miller's Tale, by Jeffrey
> Winick
>
>
>     Dear lads, I know how boring this season is becoming, but never fear I
> am hear to amuse and enlighten you with an occasional portrait of unsung
> roto heroes.  (And never mind my quest to get a single point in each roto
> category.)
>
>    Today I want to talk ever so briefly about Riptorns backstop Corky
> Miller. As you know, I am quite the expert on catchers.  After all,
> why would I possibly trade the likes of Vernon Wells and Maggs Ordonez for a
> minor league catcher if I didn't think he'd be twice as good as as that
> other hot catching prospect, Jeff Clement--and, at $3 more in salary, Matt
> the Bat Wieters *better* be twice as good.
>
>    You know, I used to mock the Riptorns' strategy of spending $2-$4 on
> crappy catchers at the draft, then blowing another $15 in FAAB to replace
> them.  But this year, I understand the wisdom of their ways.  Look at Corky
> Miller, please.  With a torso even wider than White Sox legend Mark "Chief"
> Salas, Corky may not be pretty on the eyes, but his numbers sure look good
> in the stat column.  One-tenth of the season has passed us by, yet Mr.
> Miller still retains a robust .333 batting average, having tallied 4
> runs while driving in 3.  Compare those numbers to those of Joltin' Joe
> Mauer, let alone my Matt Wieters. The man can rake.  And it's these type of
> players that make it fun to comb the box score every week or so,
> looking hopefully for a contribution by...an unsung roto hero.
>
>   On Deck: Felix Pie: What Can I Say?
>
>   And that is all.
>          Jeffrey H. Winick
>
>
>
>
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