[USML Announce] Notice Of Hot Wax Deal: Riptorns Make A Mutually Beneficial and Self-Satisfying Deal

[Richard Robbins]

Outrageous.

On Monday, July 1, 2013, Brad Jansen wrote:

> The Riptorns are pleased to announce that they made a mutually beneficial
> deal with themselves, trading Jose Reyes to the Inactive Riptorns in
> exchange for Jayson Nix of the Active Riptorns.  "With so many teams having
> differing definitions of what makes a trade 'mutually beneficial,' I choose
> to take the safe route and trade only with myself," explained Riptorns CEO
> Brad Jansen. "I commit to not trading half my team to the other half to get
> fledgling rookie pitchers, minor league 'stars*,' mediocre platoon players
> or over-hyped past their prime PED abusers. Besides, I like negotiating
> with myself. It's really quite pleasing."
>
> That is all, Saul.
>
> *Bryan Buxton excluded.
>
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