Climb Every Mountain

[Brad Jansen]

Dear Commissioner Mark the Mountain Man:

After reading countless news accounts of hardworking Americans trying to survive from paycheck to paycheck, hoping to buy another weeks’ worth of groceries, praying that they can stave off foreclosure or eviction, and maybe even save enough pennies to afford an outing to the local ice cream shoppe, it indeed was enjoyable to read your account of your epic “struggle” and remind myself to be happy about the more fortunate.  One hopes the carbon footprints left by you and your band of Merry Mountain Men did not tramp down the Path to Righteousness that some of us (well, Jeffrey, anyway) try to follow on our daily travails.

Regards,
Brad “The Inconvenient Truth” Jansen

p.s.  That trade with Rich “Gets Richer” Robbins for Howie Kendrick, teen phenoms, et al. suggests some deprivation of oxygen occurred on your Sojourn….please double check your cognitive skills–I think Jeffrey has some exams for you!!

[Mark Blocker]

Brad:

Thank you kindly for your message, which actually made me chuckle. In the Post Riptorn-Dump part of the season (April 15 onward ?), we have not heard nearly as much from you as usual (insert here debate about whether that is a plus or minus). But please, must you lampoon one of my few remaining hobbies? Now that my limited roto skills make my team perennially non-competitive, I cannot reach the roto summits, so outdoor summits are all I have. And I can scrimp and save all I want, but that won’t allow me to buy enough help for draft day. And let me assure you that you will not see footage from our trip on “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” or its sister-show, “The Shandler Arizona Fall League Conference/Gathering of Pixelated Roto Pundits.” My permit to climb Mt. Whitney cost $5 — about the same as the ice cream cone you are saving for — all of my water was free (no charge to dip your bottle in the streams), and what few groceries I brought fit into one small shopping bag purchased from a run-down store in the heart of Death Valley and returned change from my $20. And keep in mind, I am not driving to the summit — this is old-fashioned leg power, available for far less than the $5/gallon that you spend to keep refueling that 2008 SUV of yours. So next time, please grab a backpack and we can look together for this Path to Righteousness of which you speak…

— Mark B.

P.S. The guys I traded to Rich, while valuable to a contender, have contract status “FA,” not Y2 with a $2 keeper salary, so be careful not to cast stones from your glass house!

[Richard Robbins]

Brad has glass stones?

[Author]

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