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Winick was waltzing his way down Maxwell Street, seeking out some fancy duds for his upcoming screen test to replace ex-ESPN analyst Harold Reynolds. “It’s all in the presentation,” commented the wry Winick. “And as long as I hug only myself, I figure I have as good as shot as anyone to get that prized gig.”
But there were other thoughts crossing Winick’s mind as he sampled the latest in 6-button suits. “Listen, I feel like a real jerk taking all these potshots at Brad Jansen, especially when I think about how I duped him into joining the league, then encouraged him to make a bunch of bad trades with guys like Robbins and Klein, as well as myself of course. Sure I get a kick out of badgering him into believing a sore-shouldered Rafael Soriano [kudos to Gammons for unloading that turkey so early in the season] should be retained instead of J.J. Putz, but even a guy like me feels a slight pang of conscience every once in awhile.
“So I can’t help but feel a bit happy for Brad, especially about players he drafted like Royals closer Burgos and this $2 hitting machine Howie Kendrick, the next Rod Carew, and a kid who likely will qualify at 8 different positions next year –hopefully none as compromising as Harold Reynolds…or George Michaels, for that matter…but that’s a topic for my other fantasy league…and now the latest happy news for the Rips is that Shin-Soo Choo will take over as starting OF for the Tribe in place of Casey Mistake By the Blake, who’s gonna split time at 1B with Victor Martinez, who’s relinquishing the catching chores to reclaimed Riptorn Kelly Shoppach. These aren’t magic beans, my buddies, but rock-solid superstars in the making.
“Well, I can go on and on, especially as I enjoy these exciting new polysester blends. Now I must wait for Andy Marte to claim the 3B job from Aaron Boone any day now. I can’t wait to write about my brilliant decision to draft him at $14 and then trade him to the Rips. But for now, for this limited time only, I extend my hand to Brad, to apologize for my misconduct and to show appreciation, on behalf of myself and the rest of those who fleeced…er, negotiated fair deals with him this year . His character, his determination, his willingness to take chances on stiffs like Cabrera, Kotchman, Morales and Penn…well, we just can’t thank him enough. You gotta have faith, Brad, if only in me and no one else. Whoa there, Mister Tailor…are you measuring my inseam or just happy to see me?”
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