If It Were Upton Riptorns, B.J. Would Move To OF Instead of Third

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      Brad Jansen

      In the wake of Aubry Huff’s trade to the Astros, the Devil Rays announced this afternoon that B.J. Upton would begin playing third base where he will spend a few weeks familiarizing himself with the position in preparation of his call-up to the big leagues later this season.

      “This is exciting news on any number of fronts,” observed Jeffrey Winick, who rushed back from Pittsburgh to analyze the Upton announcement, made just four hours after the Rays issued their press release about the Huff trade. “The way I see it, any team in the money this year –and at this point it’s simply too early to concede to either the Nukes or the Angries– should consider an offer for him, if only to  pick up  stolen bases and a $14 keeper candidate who could qualify at SS and 3B if not the OF next year.  It also puts the Rips in a fair quandry if B.J. ends up only qualifying at third,  since the Rips are already looking at Thome, Kendry Morales, Casey Kotchman, Marte and Alex Gordon at the CI slots.  Something’s got to give and the wise ones in this group will try to get it.”

      Winick also noted that rising Rips superstar Jacoby Ellsbury was promoted to the Double-A Portland Sea Dogs after the 22 year old 1st-round pick (who Baseball America dubs fastest runner and best athlete in a Bosox farm system that boasts the likes of Klein Untouchable Craig Hansen) hit .298 to go along with 4 HRs, 32 RBIs and 25 SBs in a mere 60 games.  “Look, I think enough of this guy to write an addendum  to my Riptorns DUMP analysis,” boasted Winick.  “There are magic beans, and then there are wondrous and magical talismans.  This player has a Tolkeinesque aura about him.  Expect him up by late ’07.  Expect him to thereafter dominate for years to come. And wait  until you read my upcoming novella about another Rips prospect by the name of Adam Lind. Even I cannot find enough words to describe this prospect’s talent.  Now good night.  My glass of milk is getting warm. Don’t tell Buddha, but it’s Oberweis…and I drink it straight from the bottle.”

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