League Leaders Decide To Play Entire Season Retroactively

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      Brad Jansen

      There was a top-secret summit of USML leadership this morning, interrupted momentarily by Tibetan human rights activists attempting to extinguish Jeffrey Winick’s Damon Trophy.  Word has leaked that the League’s elder statesmen will announce shortly that the entire 2008 season will be played retroactively.

      “There are several benefits to this strategy,” spoke an anonymous source familiar with the negotiations and the brain power of the leadership in attendance.  “First, no one will know exactly where their team rests in the standings. So, this should help prevent those ‘dump’ trades that so infuriate the likes of Andy Klein. In light of rumors that the Riptorns already are peddling Ichiro, Manny and Jack Hannahan for future considerations, this may not be such a bad result.

      “Secondly, such a rule change shuts Kerbs up, which always is a good thing. And finally Blocker gets to sleep late Sundays without having to be bothered inputting those blasted contingent FAAB moves.  If all goes as planned, the 2008 champion will be announced at next year’s draft–unless we also decide to do that retroactively as well.”

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