Dictated but not read by Jeffrey H. Winick:
“USML owners should take note of who the Riptorns did *not *trade during their alleged restocking of magic beans,” observed the ever wily Jeffrey Winick, Surgeon General of the Berliners. “You did not see names like Brandon Wood, Travis Snider, Clay Buchholz or Adam Jones cross the hot wax wire–and for good reason: some if not all of this incredible young talent will be counted on by the Riptorns as they plot out their second-half surge.
“I have little doubt that studs like Phil Hughes, Adam Miller and Joe Saunders will soon bolster the Rips’ pitching ranks. But my keen eye is on the rising star Adam Jones, who is pegged to take over RF for the Mariners as soon as tomorrow. This is a boon for the Rips, but I must add it’s a boon for this League as well. Why? Because AJ is another Junior, a kid with a big smile, a huge heart and monumental talent. We should be happy that such an exciting young ballplayer will soon be on the Rips’ active roster, for all of us to enjoy. And whatever SBs and HRs the Rips may have parted with in their rash of deals (see, eg., the struggling Bobby Abreu and crippled Dave Ortiz) will now be replenished by the numbers posted by Adam Jones, to a degree that makes me wonder if even I can hold off the Rips during the forthcoming Dog Days. Did anyone besides me see this coming?
“That is all, and I remain, with warm self-affection,