No doubt due to the shock and surprise at USML headquarters, the following announcement was held up in transit. It is therefore being sent out again to keep all league members advised of up to the minute developments. If (or when) you get the original email, you may ignore it.
The snow is falling along with the temperatures, but the USML stove is heating up. It is with great pleasure that I, on behalf of the two charter members of DUMP, announce the following mutually beneficial deal:
The Berliners have traded:
Brandon Wood and Evan Longoria
to the Riptorns for:
J.J. Putz and Luke Hudson
DUMP headquarters is abuzz with anticipation of the loud sounds of gnashing teeth that will soon be emanating from COPS headquarters.
That is all!
…And to handle any press inquiries, take your pick of the Rips’ rationale for this move (other than the usual ones questioning my sanity, decency, etc….):
1. Jeff told me at lunch today what “putz” meant in Yiddish and told me it was bad to have one on my roster. We hurriedly agreed to terms.
2. Prior to last year’s draft, Jeff and I agreed that if I drafted Putz for less than $3 and he became a closer, then I would trade Putz to Jeff on MLK Day ’07 on condition that (i) Jeff obtain Brandon Wood at any price to trade me, and (ii) also throw in a second minor leaguer of my choice who I had not already traded to Jeff. That left Longoria.
3. Buddha did not return my calls for Daric Barton.
4. Robbins refuses to part with Cameron Maybin, let alone discuss deals until Easter.