April 1, 1997 at 6:57 pm #2533Richard RobbinsKeymaster
An Open Letter from Rich Robbins to Pippin
Hey Pippin, wake up and smell the Dog Chow.
I’ve been an admirer of yours for several years running. In 1994 you correctly predicted that the Red-Hots would finish in second place. In 1995 you were off the mark somewhat when you predicted that the Red-Hots would finish in third; the Red-Hots won it all that year. Nonetheless, you were close.
Perhaps you’re over the hill? Perhaps you’re a bit rusty from the year off? Perhaps like Jim Abbott and Jack McDowell, the end of your productive prognisticating years is closer than you’d like to admit.
A dog that lives in a glass house shouldn’t throw bones. How can you snipe at a pitching staff that features Andy Pettitte and Ben McDonald and can hold a promising Bartolo Colon on a reserve roster until he’s ready. That’s got to be better than rostering Dave Stevens! Karsay and Suppan will contribute at handsome salaries. Mr. Aguilera is the closer at a nice price. In the not-too-distant future Joe Table (thanks Rick) and Norm Charlton will be history and Paul Shuey and Bobby Ayala will be firmly entrenched as closers. The Red-Hots pitching staff will dominate.
Harold Baines was a steal at $9. Speaking of stolen bases, Damon Buford at $1, thank you very much. Giambi, Nilsson and Salmon…. all very productive power hitters. Batista, young yes, promising yes. Vizquel is a lot of money but performing very well. Colbrunn will turn out to be one of the draft day bargains.
If I actually spent all of my money on draft day it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the league. On the other hand, perhaps your owner was right and the curse is viral….
A Letter from Rick Gammons to Pippin
I’ve always spoken highly of Pippen and I can only hope that my fellow USML owners fully appreciate the wisdom and pure genius that emanates from his every pore! Give that dog a contract!
Now an aside to Andy – what the hell’s the big idea letting that mangy fleabag pick the Hoosier Daddies for 1st place? I know that you’re just trying to jinx me! Nonetheless, I’ll try to enjoy this bit of success for however long it lasts. I may need some tips from J. Winick and Klein on how to conduct oneself in this position, though.
To quote Mark K., that is all.
A Comment from Jeff Cohen Regarding Pippin
Is it not true that Pippen is a she? If so, it would be impossible for greatness to ooze through “his” pore.
A Harsh Remark from Jeff Winick Regarding Pippin’s “Manhood”
Pippen’s missing manhood was confirmed last year when she ran and hid rather than confirm the meager prospects of her owner. The only thing swinging beneath Pippen is her tail!
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