Rips, K-9 “Shocked, Awed” By Off-Season Losses, Vow to “Stay Course”

USML Forums Forums Brad Being Brad Rips, K-9 “Shocked, Awed” By Off-Season Losses, Vow to “Stay Course”

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      Brad Jansen

      Admitting that “it’s bad,” but vowing victory in ’07, beleaguered Klein-9 owner and acting dean Andy Klein said today that he is not “in denial about how bad things are” with his roster, and acknowledged that he is sincere about “changing course” next season.

      “The devasating loss of Ted “Pictures Of” Lilly (5-yr1) affects my strategy, but only ever so,” intoned the thoughtful Klein.  “I still won’t pursue magic beans and when you read the upcoming article about my reserve roster you’ll see that there still are plenty of bullets in this man’s pistol.  Now I know like everyone else that the news out of Boston is that my man Coco Crisp will be batting 9th, if he’s even a starter next year, and Mark Teahan likely will ride the pines now that the Alex Gordon Era is upon us, but I’m not conceding ’07 to anyone, least of all the Daddies, with all due respect.  In fact I vow victory right here and now.”

      Rips CEO Brad Jansen was somewhat more sanguine about the loss of several players, if not as boastful about the Rips’ chances in ’07.  “In a span of 50 hours, we lost Ambrioux Burgos, Bengie Molina and Rafael Soriano,” the reticent Jansen observed.

      “Nevertheless, those losses are counterbalanced by some good news: (i) Billy Beane’s affirmation that Dan Johnson (5-y2) will be OAK’s starting first baseman; (ii) Julio Lugo’s (21-y2) new job as lead-off hitter for the Red Sox; and (iii) KC’s signing of Octavio Dotel (2-y1) as the Royals’ closer. If those men were not in our plans three days ago, they most certainly are now.

      “Look, it’s just like Jeffrey Winick told me yesterday when he delivered a personalized study of the Rips’ roto strategy–he said,”Brad Lee, don’t treat your team like a fruit salad, saying I like this, but I don’t like that…’  Jeff teaches me to respect each player’s contribution on my team, whether they last one reporting period or ten, and whether they’re a Howie Kendrick or a Casey Kotchman, that piece of crap Klein traded me….

      “In the meantime, the Rips will do their best to be prepared for whatever may happen.  And that usually means wheeling and dealing…Now, I must return to Winick’s analysis. He’s very clever and I like his illustrations.”

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