Riptorns Despondent – GM Dismissed

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      Jeff Winick

      Chicago, IL – In a stunning turn of events, Riptorns management has announced that Brad Lee Jansen, general manager of the Riptorns franchise and  league gadfly has been relieved of day to day responsibilities.  “We looked  at the standings this morning and saw that our moribund franchise had slipped  behind the Berliners for heaven’s sake.  To our loyal fans and followers,  we acknowledge that THAT is unacceptable.” said Connor Jansen, Riptorn  CEO.  “We also have been engaging in a thorough evaluation of Brad Lee’s  rebuilding efforts and recognized that he has inexplicably focused on young  relievers, a category of player identified by noted rotisserie expert Jeffrey  Winick as being “extremely high risk”, said Connor.  “Look, he’s a  nice guy, a heck of a fine writer and a softie when it comes time for  punishment.  But, a business is a business and Brad Lee just isn’t getting  the job done.”  concluded the junior Jansen.

      Word out of the Riptorn headquarters is that Brad Lee has been reassigned  to latrine duty.  An ever upbeat Brad Lee was heard singing while elbow  deep in efforts to unplug a john this morning.  The tune appeared to  be “Putting on the Ritz” but the lyrics seemed to relate to  baseball:

      “If you’re blue and you don’t know what to do
      and your team is filled with nothing but mutts,
      Dreaming of the Putz…..”

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