Riptorns Prepare For Frontal Assault On First Place

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      Brad Jansen

      “I have reviewed the transactions, studied the rosters, and projected the future,” roto genuius Jeffrey Winick mused while sunning beside his heated pool yesterday.    “My thoughts are worth recording so take this down: with the Riptorns assembling a roster of 3 closers, dynamic starting pitching and an explosive offense of power hitters and leadoff men, the Bombers and Calamari will fall quickly. The Red Hots may stand a tad longer now that Price is healthy and Milone is on the staff, but that offense lacks the depth and strength to withstand the Riptorns’; relentless shelling. It’s a matter of weeks before the Riptorns pass that team in runs and RBIs.

      “And when that happens there will remain one team that stands between the Riptorns and the Damon: The Berliners. I have shown all who follow my exploits that I shall stop at nothing to protect my rightful place in the standings. And this trifle Napoleon will soon learn what’s it like to battle at Waterloo.”

      Winick readjusted his thong and stretched for his daquiri. He took a slow sip as his eyes narrowed and his teeth gritted. “The battle is joined, my friends. And from the ashes I shall arise with the Damon in one hand and Jansen’s head in the other. I know that’s a gross thought, but hold it for a few more weeks. This will be good.”

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