Riptorns Suspend 2012 Championship Campaign

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      Brad Jansen

      Reporting from Jeff Winick’s Hot Tub–

      Riptorns executive Brad Jansen announced Tuesday that he will suspend the Riptorns’ 2012 campaign but vowed “we are not done trading.”“While this championship race is over for us, for me…we are not done trading,” Jansen said. “ We are going to continue to trade for those keepers…. There’s a lot of greatness, a lot of greatness in this league.”

      In a somber press conference in Jeffrey Winick’s sauna, the conservative Riptorn CEO said he and his family had made the decision to draft players like Smoak, Conger and Chisenhall during a discussion at White Castle’s, and that it was similarly a family decision to suspend the 2012 championship campaign. He recounted the nearly monthlong campaign.

      “It was a love affair for me, going from team to team and seeing the differences, but seeing the wonderful, wonderful people of this USML,” he said.

      “But now it’s time to provide opportunity for fine ballplayers like Andrus, Lind, Upton, Jones and Danks to play for a winner who will go all the way and fight for what’s right: The Damon.”

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