“While Mark Kerber may be able to pen ‘instant classics’ in the bleary eyes of Doug Shabelman,” sniffed roto god Jeffrey Winick as he perused the 13th volume of *Remembrance of Things Past* during a break in baseball’s winter meetings, “It is none other than Rich Robbins who will write his ticket to the 2009 USML championship, Ellsbury, Lester and Blocker’s minor leaguers be damned.
“What prompts me to say this? Simple, my earnest students: With the Yankees acquiring C.C. Sabathia (and just who *was *the knucklehead who waived him?), the Red Sox clearly will be forced into signing Mark Teixeira for whatever sum he wants. And who was the owner who somehow plucked this gem for a mere $18? That’s right, Mr. First Place Smarty Britches Shabelman, it was Rich Robbins. Robbins, soon to be the happy owner of the Best Hitter in the American League, along with King Felix, the Best Pitcher in the American League, will come to the draft with plenty of draft dollars and a chip on his shoulder the size of Mark “Look At Me I’m A Trial Lawyer” Blocker’s ego. There’s a poker game to be played next April, and Robbins will be at that table, planning to win it all. Now where’s my brandy? Cabana boy!!”